


Brilliancy

by Vallie_42



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: FixIt!Fic, M/M, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 12:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vallie_42/pseuds/Vallie_42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A spectacular and beautiful game of chess, generally featuring sacrificial attacks and unexpected moves. Brilliancies are not always required to feature sound play or the best moves by either side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [esmereldagrace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmereldagrace/gifts).



> So this is basically my attempt to change the crappy ending the show gave us when it comes to Luke and Reid, who I still miss.  
>  Also, this is for you Bhumi, because without Luke and Reid I probably wouldn´t have met you and my life wouldn´t be the same without you. I love you!

The first week is torture but somehow manageable because Luke is still in shock.

In the first week nothing seems to be real. Luke feels like he´s having a really bad dream from which he cannot wake up. Everything happens so fast, one minute Reid is kissing him and telling him that he loves him for the first time, and the next time Luke sees him, he´s rolled in on a gurney covered in blood.

He remembers his last conversation with Reid, it’s crystal clear - the few words Reid managed to say, how his voice sounded, the look in his eyes, as if it is he who has a photographic memory. But everything after that is hazy, as if his memories are covered in fog.

He knows that his parents are there, holding him, trying to ease the pain inside of him. Noah is there too, finally trying to be a friend and in his arms Luke can cry. Noah says it´s not his fault but Luke knows that is not the truth. If only Luke hadn´t let him go by himself to Bay City this wouldn´t have happened. If only Luke hadn´t told him to continue helping that self-centered jerk. If only Luke hadn´t blackmailed him into coming here in the first place, he would still be alive, berating interns and making nurses cry in Dallas. This is all Luke´s fault and the guilt is almost as hard to bear as the pain. Almost.

The first week is all about focusing on his next movement. Putting one foot in front of another, trying to compose coherent sentences and most of all, keeping his eyes open. Everytime he closes them, Reid is there, with blood on his lips, in his hair and those blue eyes filled with pain and resignation and knowing of what is about to come.

Luke won´t accept it. He can´t accept it. He goes to the hospital every night when everyone thinks he´s sleeping. He sits in Reid´s office and pretends that he is doing rounds, performing a surgery or eating one of those enormous sandwiches in the cafeteria. He pretends so good and so hard that for a second he actually believes that Reid will be walking in to his office any minute, asking Luke what the hell he is doing there. And that brief second is the reason he goes back every night.

The first week he flinches every time Reid´s name is spoken. He screams inwardly at all the people that didn´t give a damn about Reid when he was alive suddenly telling Luke how sorry they are. But Luke is raised with good manners so the first week he lets people talk to him, about him, and he pretends that they have the right to do it and that he actually cares about what they have to say.

The first week is tears, grief and pain, a pain he has never felt before.

 

In the second week he can´t stop saying his name out loud: Reid, Reid, Reid.

The second week is all about regrets. Luke blames himself for all the time they could have been together but weren´t because he was such a coward and kept holding on to a relationship that was over a long time ago. He had spent weeks wasting precious time, time that he can´t ever get back or make up for.

He blames himself for all the back and forth he did after their first kiss, and he hates himself for making Reid give up his job for something as pathetic as Luke.

He regrets more than anything the ridiculous idea he had about waiting before they made love. He is 22-years old, not a 15-year old virgin and he can´t believe he acted so childish. The more he thinks about it the more upset he gets.

In the second week there is so much to do and it almost makes him feel better. Until the hospital calls and asks what he wants to do with the body. He drops the phone and rushes out to the bathroom where he throws up all the coffee he has been drinking. When his stomach finally is empty he starts screaming and cursing. Reid is a person, a man, his boyfriend, someone who is loved. He is not a body and the lack of thoughtfulness makes Luke angrier than he ever can remember being. He yells at his parents when they try to comfort him and Holden later says to Lily that the hospital should be thankful that they managed to calm Luke down before he went over there.

The second week, Reid´s Uncle Angus arrives. He reminds Luke so much of Reid that he finds himself reaching out to touch him numerous times before realization hits him and he remembers that Reid is not here.

In the second week Reid is cremated and Luke decides to give him a proper funeral, even if he doesn´t know if that is something Reid would have wanted. It hurts to not know. Holden suggests that Reid should be buried beside Brad, since they are both family and Reid took care of Katie and Jacob. Luke agrees even if the thought of where to bury the man he loves makes him sick.

The funeral is short and Luke decides that only he, his parents, Angus and Katie are allowed to be there. When they put Reid´s ashes down in the ground Luke feels nothing.

After the funeral Angus gives him a chess piece that Reid once sent him when he graduated medical school and the story behinds it makes Luke`s heart ache. Now, when it´s too late, he finally gets some insight to why Reid acted the way he did, and understanding of how hard it must have been for him to let Luke in.

In the second week Noah finally leaves for LA. Luke knows that he´s only trying to be sweet and comforting but Noah´s presence isn´t something Luke wants or needs and Noah is always there. Luke tries really hard to be nice but when Noah wants to talk about how good they were together and that Luke maybe could come and see him when he´s ready, he has to clench his fists and bite his tongue really hard to not say something insulting. He makes it clear that as far as getting back together he will never be ready. He doesn´t say that once you have experienced Reid Oliver there is no going back to Noah Mayer, but he can see on the look of Noah´s face that he knows what he´s thinking and when Noah leans forward to give him a goodbye kiss Luke turns his head so the kiss lands on his chin instead of on his mouth. In a way he will always love Noah but he can´t stand the thought of Noah´s lips erasing the soft print of Reid´s.

In the second week Luke decides to try and write. He opens his journal and stares down at the blank pages in front of him, not knowing where to begin. He closes his eyes for a while and when he opens them again the pages are filled with one single word again and again, and if he wasn´t so numb he would have freaked out from not remembering writing it. Now he doesn´t care. Checkmate.

When the second week finally is over, he can´t remember anything he did on those seven days. All he knows is that Reid is still dead.

 

In the third week his world breaks down.

The numbness is gone and the pain in his chest is excruciating. He wakes up screaming every night from nightmares where Reid is, dead, dead, DEAD and when he manages to calm down he realizes that the nightmares are real because Reid is still dead.

In the third week people seems to think he should be okay. His mother tries to talk to him about the foundation, telling him he maybe should try to go to work a few hours and find something else to think about. Luke just stares at her, unable to understand a word she says and when she continues he stops even trying to listen.

In the third week Luke finally musters up the courage to go to Katie’s apartment. She immediately pulls him in to a hug and he lets her, his own arms hanging stiff along his sides, unable to return the hug. When she finally lets him go he can see she is crying and he knows he should say something comforting but he has no words of comfort. He opens his mouth to say something anyway, maybe to ask how Chris is feeling but he can´t. Instead he asks for Reid´s room. Katie gives him a small smile and lets him walk past her. He hesitates a bit before entering the room. He hasn´t been in there before, just gotten quick glances a few times. He opens the door and takes one step in before he abruptly stops when Reid`s scent hits him. He thinks it´s maybe too early and he briefly considers walking away but the need to be close to Reid overwhelms him and he shuts the door behind him and turns on the light.

There is nothing special in the room. For someone who didn´t know him it would look like an ordinary guestroom with no pictures, nothing personal and nothing that says that this is where Reid lived for nine months. But for Luke, this room is Reid. The desk is covered with medical journals, complicated diagrams, books about the brain and a calendar. A few coins are piled up and there are five newly sharpened pencils lined up on the edge of the desk. Luke almost smiles when he sees them.

He lets his fingers wanders over the books and journals and when they reach the calendar he picks it up. The sight of Reid´s almost unreadable scribble hurts and he closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before he continues to read. He scrolls back to January and this time he actually smiles when he sees what Reid has written. On January 19th LUKE SNYDER is printed in big, black letters and if letters could look angry this is how they would look. On the next few weeks there isn´t much written at all except for consults, meetings and planned surgeries, so when Luke turns a page and sees theword Dallas his breath hitches. He quickly turns the page again and there is Noah´s surgery and on the same day, in much smaller letters, one single word. Luke.

Luke shuts the calendar, unable to read anymore right now, but decides to take it with him. He suddenly feels the urge to get out of the room so he gathers a few things, the calendar, a shirt that is tossed on the bed and Reid´s stethoscope. He rushes out from the apartment, not bothering saying goodbye to Katie and drives home.

In the third week Luke sits on his bed all night, eyes wide open. He´s wearing Reid´s shirt, breathing in the familiar scent, and holds the chess piece tightly in his hand. He listens to the silent beating of his own heart through Reid´s stethoscope and the sound should be comforting and soothing but all he wants is for it to stop.

 

The fourth week is filled with nothing but emptiness.

Luke lies in his bed, still dressed in Reid´s shirt and he stares in the wall but he doesn´t see anything. His parents try to talk to him, try to make him eat, but they can´t break through to get to him. He lays there for almost five days until his grandmother arrives and sits down on his bed. She scoops him up in her lap, just like she did when he was a little boy, and Luke can finally, finally cry again.

He shakes and he cries and he tells Lucinda everything he knows about Reid. He tells her about the first kiss in Dallas and how it made him feel so wanted for the first time in such a long time and how incredible it was to get to see the softer side of Reid, the one he didn´t show to anyone else. He tells her what an incredible surgeon he was and how serious he was about his work. He tells her that Reid actually gave up his job for him, for Luke, and what an idiot he was for the last couple of months, clinging on to Noah when he wasn´t in love with him anymore. He tells her how gentle his hands were and how soft his lips were, and Lucinda smiles and runs her fingers through his hair.

He laughs when he tells her that she would have loved him because he was so like her, and then he cries again because Reid is dead and she will never get to know him.

Lucinda holds him tight and let´s him speak, and when he hasn´t got any words let he finally falls asleep.

In the fourth week he visits Reid´s grave for the first time since the funeral. He falls to his knees in front of the stone and his trembling fingers traces the name carved into the light gray stone. He cannot comprehend that Reid is actually gone and he can´t stop thinking of all the things that will never happen again. He will never hear Reid´s voice again. He will never feel his fingertips brush along his chin or look into his piercing blue eyes again and he will never, ever feel those sweet lips against his own. Luke cannot accept how final death is and he will definitely not accept that Reid isn´t coming back, because he has no idea how he is supposed to go on without him.

He slams his fists on the ground and he cries and he begs “please, please, please don´t do this to me, I would do anything, I would sacrifice everything as long as you come back. Please come back”. But there are no miracles and there is no way of bringing someone back, no matter how much you cry and wish and beg.

In the fourth week he picks up his phone and calls Reid´s number for the first time in four weeks. The call goes straight to voicemail and when he hears the familiar voice again his breath hitches and all the hair on his body stands straight up.

It takes him sixteen calls before he´s able to leave a message.

In the fourth week Luke falls asleep on Reid´s grave with his phone clasped in his hand. He has listened to Reid´s voicemail and recorded messages until the battery has died on his phone.

 

The fifth week is filled with so much anger. He´s angry at his family who doesn´t understand why he doesn´t feel better and he is so tired of their lame attempts to cheer him up. He´s angry at all of his friends who seems to have forgotten that Reid ever existed and he hates that everybody except him is happy. He even receives a fucking wedding invitation from Casey and Allison and he spends almost an hour ripping it apart until there is nothing left but tiny pieces looking like snowflakes.

He´s angry at Katie for sending him text messages telling him of how good Chris is doing. Luke doesn´t care about Chris and he can´t stand the thought of him having Reid´s heart, because it´s Chris who should be dead and not Reid.

But most of all is he angry at Reid, for dying, for leaving him, for making him miss him so much that he wants to die too. Reid was supposed to be a genius, how the hell did he think he could outrun a train? He hates Reid for being dead and if he was alive he would kill him.

And then he cries and begs Reid for forgiveness, he didn´t mean it, and he is so sorry and he loves him.

The fifth week is filled with tears, anger and shame. Shame for thinking the way he does and not being able to control himself anymore.  
In the fifth week he buys two bottles of vodka. He drives home, walks up to his room and locks the door. He puts one bottle in his wardrobe, laughing a little at the still so familiar feeling of having a bottle to hide, and the other one on his bedside table. He strips down to his boxers, puts on one of Reid´s shirts and crawls in to bed. He lies there, staring at the bottle and he can hear Reid´s voice as clear as if he was sitting beside him. “You´ll better take care of that kidney of yours. If I´m going to put myself out there, fall in love with you, I´m not going to lose you, do you hear me?”

But Reid has left him so there is no reason to take care of his kidney any more, is there? He says it out loud, to Reid, and he challenges him to stop him, to give him some sort of sign, but the room stays silent and there are no signs. He closes his eyes for a brief second and takes a deep breath before reaching out for the bottle. He unscrews the cork and finally, finally takes a big gulp of it.

In the fifth week Luke gets drunk again for the first time in one year, six months and 24 days.

 

The following weeks pass by in a drunken haze. Luke moves out from his mother’s house and into Lucinda´s cottage. He laughs when he recalls that he once thought Noah marrying Ameera would break his heart. The pain he felt then is nothing compared to the pain he feels now.

He calls his parents regularly three times a week. Not because he wants to talk to them, but because if he didn´t call, they would come and visit him, and Luke knows that if they saw the state he was in, they would force him to come home again and he desperately needs to be alone.

He spends most of his days lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling thinking about Reid. He goes through every memory over and over again, from the first phone call, “It bores me to tears. Just like you’re doing right now.” to their last exchange before Reid drove off to Bay City, “I love you. There, I said it.” He tries hard to not think about what happened after that, but he can´t stop his thoughts and he drinks to ease the pain.

He plays the kiss he shared with Reid after Noah`s surgery over and over in his head. But this time he pretends that he didn´t break it off, instead he imagines that Reid takes him to his bedroom or pushes him down on the couch and he can feel how he grows hard for the first time since Reid died.

He pushes down his sweats and boxers, grabs his dick and slowly starts jerking it. He keeps his eyes shut and pretends that it is Reid´s hand instead of his own and it feels so good. He brings two fingers from his other hand to his mouth and sucks on them, coating them thoroughly with his tongue before moving them down and circles them around his hole. He gently pushes them inside, it hurts a bit at first, but he welcomes the pain but when he hits the spot he is looking for, he moans Reid´s name over and over again. He feels his orgasm building up and speeds up the movement of both his hands and when he comes with Reid´s name on his lips he realizes that he is crying.

 

In the ninth week Luke wakes up in a hospital bed. He hears the sounds of machines beeping and recalls the familiar hospital smell, a smell which was formerly associated with his stay in the hospital during the time of his transplant or being paralyzed, but now has everything to do with Reid. He can hear his parents talking in hushed voices and he feels a hand holding on tightly to his own, a thumb gently stroking his knuckles.

“Bob said he should be awake by now. He only has a mild concussion so why isn´t he waking up?” Lily´s voice is filled with concern.

“It´s only been three days, give him some time, he´ll come around soon.” Holden tries to sound reassuring but Luke can hear that he is just as concerned as his mother is.

Luke decides that regardless of how worried his parents are at the moment, he really isn’t in the mood to talk about whatever it was that he done after he had got drunk that meant that he had ended up in the hospital, so he keeps his eyes shut and pretends that he’s still sleeping.

He hears the sound of a chair being pulled back and then his father speaks again.

“Does anyone want something to eat or drink? I’m going down to the cafeteria for a while”. There is no answer and Luke briefly wonders who it is other than his parents in the room. He doesn´t need to question it for much longer.

“Lily, you haven´t left this room for hours, why don´t you come with me?” Luke hears another chair moving and a door opening.

“We´ll bring you something Noah, you´ll need to take care of yourself for Luke´s sake. He will need you when he wakes up.”

Luke´s eyes snap open and his gaze meets Noah´s. Because it is Noah who is holding his hand and he looks exhausted, like he hasn´t slept for days. Luke has no idea why he’s there, their goodbye was friendly but Luke made it clear they weren´t going to be anything more than that.

“Luke, you´re finally awake!” Noah´s voice is rough, like he hasn´t been talking for days but his face is filled with such a relief and happiness is almost makes Luke worry that he might be seriously hurt after all. But then he remembers that Reid is dead and somewhere in the back of his mind he wishes that he really was dead, so that maybe, just maybe, he could finally be with Reid.

He opens his mouth to ask what Noah is doing there but before he can speak Noah stands up and puts his hands on Luke cheeks and he leans in for a kiss. Without thinking, Luke´s hand, in which he realizes there is an IV-needle attached, jolts up to stop him.

“What´s wrong Luke?” Noah sits down again, confusion and hurt written all over his face.

“What are you doing here? Why aren´t you in LA?”

Noah lets out a bark of surprised laughter and takes Luke´s hand again. “Why on earth would I be in LA?”

“Umm, because you live there?” Luke is really not in the mood for Noah´s jokes, truthfully he´s not in the mood for Noah at all and he pulls his hand back from Noah´s grip.

Noah´s smile falters. “What are you talking about Luke? I thought we decided we should stay in Oakdale together for at least another year.”

Panic starts to rise within Luke; his mother said he had a concussion, but what if he has amnesia? Could he somehow have gotten back together with Noah and now he doesn´t remember it? But that can´t be right, there is no way he would ever consider dating Noah again, is there?

“What’s the date?” He asks with a shaky voice.

“November 10th”, Noah answers.

“What year, Noah?”

Noah starts to look really worried. “2010”

Luke quickly counts backwards and it has been nine weeks since Reid died. Something is wrong, because he remembers last week, sort of anyway, and he and Noah didn´t make any plans of either staying or leaving together. Noah being here makes no sense at all. They haven´t even talked since Noah left. He has called a few times but Luke never answered, having nothing to say. Luke decides that he might actually want to know what happened to him after all.

“Why am I here?” he asks.

“You and Damian were in a car accident on your way to the Lakeview”, Noah answers.

“Damian?” Luke´s voice is barely a whisper.

“Oh don´t worry”, Noah says, misunderstanding the terrified look on Luke´s face, “he´s alright. He’s been here all the time, but I asked him to pick up a few things for you at our apartment. He’ll be back soon.”

Luke takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Nothing makes sense at all. He rubs his forehead with his left hand and that’s when he feels it. He opens his eyes and stares at the golden band on his finger.

His gaze darts to Noah´s hand and there is indeed a matching ring on his finger. His head starts to spin and he feels like he is going to throw up any minute.

“What is this?” He manages to choke out, holding up his left hand.

“What is what?”

“The ring! Oh god, please tell me we aren´t married.”

“What?” Noah looks insulted at first, but his expression quickly changes to understanding. “You hit your head pretty badly in the accident; maybe you should sleep a bit more?”

“I don´t want to sleep! Answer me, are we married?”

“Don´t you remember?” Noah says, confusion written all over his face. When Luke doesn´t answer he continues. “No, we aren´t married. Not yet anyway. We got engaged seven months ago.”

“But… we can´t be. What about Reid?” Luke´s voice is barely a whisper.

“Reid? Who’s Reid?”

In the ninth week Luke wakes up in a hospital bed, in a world that isn´t the same as the one he was in last week.


	2. Chapter 2

In the ninth week nothing makes sense and Luke feels like his world has turned completely upside down. Noah claims that that he and Luke are happily engaged, have been living together for years and are planning to move to a bigger city next year to pursue Luke´s writing and his own filmmaking. He also insists on that he has never been blind and therefore there has never been a Doctor Reid Oliver coming to Oakdale to operate on him. Luke refuses to believe him, because it can´t be true.

“You´re lying!” Luke´s voice is angry, but even he himself can hear the pleading tone in it, because deep down inside he knows that Noah wouldn´t make something like this up. He sits up in his hospital bed and tries hard to ignore the headache and dizziness the sudden movement causes him.

“You´re making this up just so we can get back together again, but it´s not going to happen so just please stop. Please.”

He wipes away the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hands and his gaze locks on the ring on his finger. He pulls it off with every intention to throw it away, on the floor, out through the window or in Noah´s concerned, lying face when he abruptly stops. On his finger, where the ring was, is a thin white line clearly visible and in sharp contrast to his otherwise sunburned skin. Luke stares at it, trying hard to understand what this means, but his heart is beating so fast and so hard that he almost can´t hear his own thoughts.

Noah reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder but Luke snaps it away.

“Don´t touch me!”

“Luke?” Lily´s voice manages to break through to Luke and he looks up to see his mother and father standing in the open door. He has no idea how long they have been standing there but from the look of concern on their faces, he guesses they have been there a while.

Luke is just about to open his mouth and ask his mother if she´s in on this too, maybe it´s even her idea, when Bob enters his room. Luke is filled with relief because Reid gave his heart to Chris and there is no way Bob would not acknowledge that. Bob orders everyone to exit the room for a few minutes so he can examine his patient and when everyone is out he picks up Luke´s chart.

“I´m glad to see you´re awake Luke. How are you feeling?” Bob asks in an odd monotone voice.

“I have a headache and feel a bit dizzy when I move too fast, other than that I´m fine.” Luke answers before continuing. “How´s Chris doing?”

Bob is just about to hang up his chart on the bed frame when Luke asks and his hand freezes for a moment. He stares at Luke for a few seconds before he continues the movement of his hand.

“Chris is dead, Luke.”

“What? But Reid´s heart…?”

“He didn´t get a new heart Luke, don´t you remember?” Bob says with the same distant voice. He continues before Luke gets a chance to reply. “He was sick for weeks and he never told us. I used to think he was a pretty decent doctor but when he got sick he ignored all his symptoms even though he had to have known what was going on. He tried to take over my position as chief of staff even though I will not retire for a few years and he went out golfing with some of the board members, trying to get them on his side. His heart gave up right before the game ended.” 

Bob gives Luke a small smile, but it´s not comforting at all, because Bob is acting so strange and distant that it feels like he´s a completely different person.

“I´m pleased to see that you are feeling well Luke. As I told your parents, you have a minor concussion, so we will keep you here for a few days more. Do you have any questions?”

Luke feels like he can´t speak, his head is spinning and if he wasn´t already lying down he would probably pass out. He wonders what this means. If Chris is dead he never got Reid´s heart, could that mean that Reid is… alive?”

“Bob”, he says just before the doctor leaves the room. “When did Chris die?”

“Nine weeks ago”, Bob replies. “On September the 7th.” And the door closes behind him.

If Chris died the same day as Luke thought Reid died, then maybe Chris in some weird, inexplicable way took Reid´s place. But is that even possible and where is Reid in that case?

His thoughts are interrupted when the door to his room opens again, this time it´s Holden and Damian. Damian? Before Luke can open his mouth to ask what´s going on, Damian is at his side. He gently kisses Luke´s forehead before he sits down on Luke´s bed.

“Luciano! You´re finally awake!” Damian says, his voice filled with relief. “I´m so sorry I wasn´t here when you woke up, you really scared your dad and me.”

Damian looks at Holden and smiles and to Luke´s utter disbelief, Holden smiles back. This isn´t right, because there is no way in hell that his two fathers would be in the same room together, much less smiling at each other after all that has happened between them, and it makes Luke freak out even more. He suddenly feels like he´s having trouble breathing.

“Damian”, he chokes out. “What…”

Both of his fathers’ smiles falters and they look at Luke with matching worried expressions.

“You only call me Damian when you are upset with me, Luciano. What´s wrong?” Damian asks.

“Noah told us about… what you said to him earlier.” Holden continues.

Before Luke can even try to answer, there is a quiet knock on the door before someone is opening it and everybody’s attention turns against the newcomer.

It´s Katie, and Luke´s first feeling is instant relief, because Katie was Reid´s best friend and she would never lie and pretend that he never existed. But before he can ask her, he sees the man standing next to her, holding Jacob in his arms. Seeing this man beside Katie is familiar and shouldn´t be wrong, but, oh my God, it is and the sight of him makes Luke realize that things are even more terrifying then he first thought and he completely loses it.

He opens his mouth and screams. Damian and Holden hold him and try to calm him down, but Luke has totally lost it. He can´t stop screaming and somewhere far away he can hear his fathers’ voices, trying to talk soothing to him but all Luke can do is scream and stare at the good looking dark-haired man standing next to Katie. Because it´s his father´s cousin Brad, who should have been dead for months but somehow clearly isn´t, and seeing him finally pushes Luke over the edge. The last thing he remembers is raised voices and a sting in his arm before everything goes black. 

 

When he wakes up again it´s dark outside and his three parents are sitting in his room talking in hushed voices. It´s weird to see Damian together with his parents and he closes his eyes again wanting a short time alone to try and comprehend what is happening. Then he remembers what happened before, that Brad was there and he inhales sharply. The low voices stops and he feels a hand on his leg.

“Luke?” Lily whisper his name, obviously not sure if he´s awake or not. Luke opens his eyes and his mother sits down on his bedside and pulls him in for a hug. Luke relaxes when he feels his mother´s arms around him. She wears the same perfume as she always has and the scent is familiar and comforting. After a while Lily pulls back and their gazes met.

“Can you tell us what happened sweetheart?”

Luke wants to talk, but he has no idea where he should begin and he needs some time to gather his thoughts.

“I would like to take a shower first, if it´s okay? I promise we can talk afterwards.”

Lily looks like she is about to disagree but Damian steps forward and helps Luke out of the bed and into the bathroom. His head spins a bit but he is much less lightheaded now than before and the thought of a warm shower makes him feel a tiny bit better.

“Tell us if you need any help”, Damian says before he leaves the bathroom.

Luke slowly walks over to the mirror and stares at his image. He looks exactly the same as he always has except for a bruise on his forehead and a cut on his lip, which probably explains why he is in here. He pulls off the hospital gown, hoping that Damian or someone else has bought some of his own clothes to wear instead, when his body freezes. This is wrong. This is even more wrong then Brad being alive. On the left side of his stomach, where the big scar from his kidney transplant should be, is only smooth skin.

Luke starts to tremble and he falls to his knees and throws up all over the floor.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…”

The door opens and his parents are there and Holden lifts him up and carries him back in bed. When he finally is able to calm down he takes a deep breath and starts talking with a shaky voice.

 

Luke wakes up the next day from a dream where he and Reid were lying on his bed, talking and kissing. It was so real that he still can feel Reid´s lips against his own and when he sees that he´s alone in the bed he has to try hard to hold back the tears.

He´s still tired from talking almost all night and he has a hard time trying to understand what is going on. He told his parents everything and was shocked to find out that most of his memories are not true. The worst part was that none of his parents have ever heard of Reid and claimed that he and Noah had been together for years, just as Noah had said. He does notice that none of his parents seem to be particular found of Noah, not even his mother and she actually asks him if Reid might be someone he had met when he had been out of town.

Holden and Lily both seemed to think he was suffering from memory loss or had hit his head even harder then they first thought, but Damian had listened to everything he had said, while writing something down on a piece of paper.

He fell asleep while they were talking and when he sits up in the bed, he´s surprised to see that his parents are still there, dressed in the same clothes as the night before. His mother looks upset and when they see that he is awake, Damian walks over to his bed. After the normal “how are you feeling today” conversation Damian clears his throat and glances over to Holden and Lily. Luke follows his gaze and sees that Holden gives Damian a small nod.

“We have been talking all night, Luciano, and we thought that maybe you have a number to this Doctor Oliver?”

Luke takes a deep breath and mentally slaps himself for not thinking of that himself. He feels hope starting to grow inside for the first time since Reid died and he gives his father a thankful look.

“Thank you, umm… Papa.”

Damian just nods and gestures to the phone sitting on Luke´s bedside table. 

Luke picks up the phone and with trembling fingers he dials Reid´s mobile number, which he knows by heart.

The number you have dialed does not exist.

Luke closes his eyes and inhales a shaky breath. He hangs up and tries to convince himself that he must have dialed the wrong number but he tries again and again with the same result. He can feel his parents’ looks and he knows that he should stop calling but he can´t.

The number you have dialed does not exist.

“Luke.” Lily walks over to him and lays her hand on his, gently but firmly to prevent him from dialing the number again.

“Just one more time, maybe I didn´t get it right.”

Lily says his name again and Luke puts the phone down. He looks up to his mother with a pleading look, trying hard to ignore the look of pity on her face. She releases his hand a caresses his cheek in a soothing way, but Luke pulls away, the memory of Reid doing the same thing is so real that he can´t bear being touched like that right now.

“Do you have the number to the hospital in Dallas he worked at before he came here?” Holden asks.

“Holden! I thought we agreed on not encouraging him with this hallucination.” His mother´s voice is sharp but Luke doesn´t care because Holden´s suggestion is something he didn´t think of himself and he feels the hope burning inside his chest even stronger. He smiles at his father and picks up the phone again, this time dialing the number to Dallas Neurosurgical and Spine, which he for some reason still remembers. He holds his breath when the signal goes through.

“Dallas neurosurgical and spine. This is Traci speaking, how can I help you?” The woman answering the phone has a nice, calm voice and it made Luke´s racing heart calm down a bit.

“I would like to talk to Doctor Reid Oliver.” Luke´s voice is surprisingly steady, considering how much his hands are shaking.

“I´m sorry sir, we don’t have anyone here with that name.”

“But, you have to! He works there. He´s the best neurosurgeon in the country.”

“I´m sorry sir. I could transfer you to Doctor Denning, who is one of….”

Luke hangs up the phone before he can hear anymore. His heart is beating so fast and he feels strangely lightheaded. His mother reaches out for him but he can´t stand her pity or being touched right now.

“I would like to be alone for a while. Please.” Luke´s voice is only a whisper and it seems like Lily is about to protest but Holden takes her hand and drags her out of the room, Damian follows them with a thoughtful expression on his face. Just before the door closes he turns to Luke and looks at him.

“I´m sorry Luciano.”

When Luke is alone he curls up on his side and cries himself to sleep.

In the ninth week Luke realizes that he no longer lives in a world where Reid is dead. He lives in a world where Reid never even existed and knowing that is more painful than he ever could have imagined. 

 

In the tenth week Luke starts to question his sanity. He has come to accept that people are honest with him and that Reid clearly never has been here. Brad is undoubtedly alive and Chris is dead, because Reid wasn´t here to help him and give him a new heart and Luke should feel ashamed for not caring about Chris, but he doesn´t. He´s actually grateful that Chris doesn´t have Reid´s heart, even if the presence of that heart would have made his life much easier. He laughs bitterly at the thought of that Reid being dead is easier to accept then that there is no Reid at all, before continuing his thought process. Damian, or Papa, never did anything wrong and is somehow best friends with Holden and therefore Luke never started drinking and didn´t have to have a kidney transplant. 

And if it wasn´t for the memories of Reid, which are so strong and so real, he might would have accepted his family’s’ idea of it all being a dream or a strange case of amnesia and wouldn´t question it too much. But when he closes his eyes he can still feel Reid´s lean fingers brush softly against his chin and it´s so vivid and so true that Luke knows that he has not made it all up.

He spends hours every night going through different scenarios of how this has happened. The one that seems most fitting is the idea of different realities or parallel universes. It sounds ridiculous but it´s the best explanation he can come up with. What he can´t understand is why there isn´t a Reid in this universe. What´s the point of all this if he can´t be with Reid again?

 

In the tenth week Lucinda comes and visits him. She kisses his cheek before she sits down on a chair next to his bed and raises an eyebrow.

“So darling, I was in Paris enjoying myself when your mother called and told me that you have gone completely insane.”

Luke smiles for the first time in eleven weeks and he´s relieved to see that his grandmother is exactly the same in this reality.

“She actually told me that you think this is some kind of dream world and that in your real life Damian is evil, Brad is dead, you are an alcoholic, Noah was blind and you fell in love with his doctor who got hit by a train. Did is miss anything important?” Lucinda continues.

When she mentions Reid, Luke´s smile falters for even if Reid hasn´t lived, loved and died in this reality, the memory and the loss still hurts just as much as before and to know that Reid never existed at all is too hard to even think of.

Lucinda notices the sudden change in his appearance and reaches out and takes his hand.

“Luke, I have to ask, you´re not doing this to finally get rid of Noah are you?”

“What?” Luke has no idea what Lucinda means and just like everything else that has happened since he woke up it doesn´t make sense.

“You can be honest with me, Luke. We all know why the two of you got engaged. No one would blame you if you wanted to end it, but this is a little too dramatic even for you, don´t you think?”

Somewhere in the back of his mind Luke acknowledges the fact that his family doesn´t seem to like Noah very much and if he hadn´t been so upset about everything else he would have been curious to know why. As it is now, the only thing he can think of is Reid and the fact that his grandmother even can think he´s making this up.

“You think I´m lying? You think I would make all this up just to break up with Noah? Is that the person you think I am?” His voice is shaky and he feels tears building up again but he tries hard to not show it.

Lucinda sees it anyway and her voice softens.

“Then tell me everything.”

So he does. He tells her about waking up to a world that has totally changed. Of having gone through a kidney transplant just to find out that he doesn´t have a scar anymore. Of seeing people that should be dead alive and finding out that people who were alive, now are dead. He tells her about seeing the man he loves die, and mourning and grieving and crying for him for nine weeks, just to wake up one day and being told it never happened. He tells her about feeling hopeful again for the first time in nine weeks, because maybe, maybe did he get a new chance with Reid only to have his hope shattered from calling the hospital in Dallas to find out that there is no Reid Oliver. He tells her about the fear of having gone completely insane and the pain from not being able to miss and love Reid anymore, because how can you miss someone that never was? And he tells her that he didn´t want to live in a world where Reid was dead so how is he supposed to live in a world where Reid never even existed?

He´s breathless when he finally stops speaking and the tears that he has tried so hard to hold back are now covering his cheeks because there is no way he could not cry. Lucinda just looks at him and opens and closes her mouth a few times, as if she´s about to say something but can´t decide if she should. And that´s when Luke knows that she doesn´t believe him either and he covers his face with his palms, because he actually thought, and hoped, that if anyone would believe him it would be her.

And then Lucinda finally speaks.

“I usually don´t encourage insanity, but Damian and I did a little research and there is indeed a neurosurgeon named Reid Oliver.”

Luke´s head jolts up and Lucinda gives him a small smile before she continues.

“Not in Dallas though. This one has a private practice in New York.”


	3. Chapter 3

In the tenth week, Luke realizes that there is still hope after all.

He swallows a few times before he manages to speak.

“Reid? New York? Are you sure it´s him?” He stumbles over the words but Lucinda seems to understand what he is saying.

“Of course I´m not sure if it´s actually him, darling. According to what you have told your parents he should be dead, and this Doctor Oliver is very much alive.” Lucinda points out.

Luke wipes his sweaty palms against the bed sheet and tries to calm his racing heart. He has so many questions he wants to ask but the only thing he can think of is that Reid could be alive. He could have been given a second chance. He looks at his grandmother, trying to beg her to tell him more, to promise him that it is his Reid, because he needs to be sure. But before he can even try to compose a coherent sentence the door to his room is opened and Damian enters carrying a folder.

“Oh, Damian, you are right on time,” Lucinda says and smiles at him. “Did you bring the files?”

“Yes, I did. Have you told him?” Damian asks and walks forward to Luke´s bed and sits down.

“What file?” Luke asks, even though his mouth is so dry that it feels like he hasn´t had had anything to drink for days.

“We have a picture of that doctor. We thought you might wanted to see if it´s really him?” Damian opens the folder and pulls out a paper, which he places on the bed, backside up.

Luke reaches for it immediately but Damian has his hand placed firmly on the paper.

“Are you sure about this Luke? Chances are that more than likely it´s not him.”

Luke nods eagerly but Damian doesn´t remove his hand and continues to look at him.

“Please, I need to know.” His voice is thin and he sounds much younger than he really is, but Damian seems to be satisfied with his answer and removes his hand.

Luke takes a shaky breath , turns the paper over and feels the disappointment, panic and grief rush through his body. Because it´s not Reid. 

His sad eyes meet those of his father and grandmother, “He’s a very good-looking man,” he laments, “but his hair is not curly and his eyes don´t have that piercing blue color that Reid’s do. This is not him.” It breaks his heart to have to tell them this, but everything about him is just wrong because he is not Reid. 

His father and grandmother watch him react curiously, but Luke doesn´t notice because he feels as if he can´t breathe. It´s almost like he has lost Reid again and it hurts so much and there is no way Luke would go on living without him. He falls back on his bed and curls up with his arms wrapped around his legs and starts to cry for the millionth time.

“Luke.” His father gently puts his arm on his back and rubs it tenderly. “I´m so sorry.”

“Please. Don´t.” Luke can´t take their sympathy at the moment, because it means nothing. He isn´t even sure if they believe him or not and the whole situation still freaks him out a bit. But he really thought that it would be Reid, that he had been given a chance to change all the things he did wrong before and now everything…

Lucinda interrupts his thoughts. “Luke, I´m very sorry. Look at me.”

But he can´t, he´s so filled with pain and he just wants them to leave him alone so he can figure out what to do next, what to do without Reid. He needs to figure whether or not if he dies if he would finally be with Reid then.

“Luke, look at me. We tricked you, the man on the picture is not Reid Oliver.”

Luke turns his head and meets his grandmother´s gaze.

“I´m sorry darling, but we needed to be sure that you didn´t make all this up.” Lucinda sighs and before Luke can answer she continues. “I know you said you didn´t lie, but you have to admit that all this sounds a bit… well, weird.” Lucinda gives him a small smile and Luke should be mad at her and Damian, but he´s not, since they somehow believe in him and instead he focuses on the important part.

“Reid?”

Damian opens the folder again and takes out another photo, this time he doesn´t bother hiding it, instead he turns it around immediately and Luke inhales sharply. Because this time it’s right. The photograph is crystal clear and it´s definitely Reid. Luke sits up in the bed and grabs the picture from Damian´s hand and just stares at it. It´s some kind of portrait photography and Reid is wearing a black shirt where the two top buttons are unbuttoned, giving Luke a glimpse of his well-defined chest. His hair is a bit longer than it was before and his eyes, oh my God his eyes, seems to stare right into Luke´s. His lips are slightly parted and Luke can almost feel how soft they are against his own. He traces Reid´s chin with his index finger and is not surprised when he sees that his hand is shaking. It´s Reid, his Reid.

“How did you find him?” He can´t stop staring at the picture and asks the question without even looking away from it for a second.

“Google, darling, Google,” Lucinda answers. “In fact, it was much easier than we thought. I just typed his name in and got over a hundred results. This picture is from some kind of neurological journal in which he writes articles every month. And before you ask, the last one was posted yesterday.”

“And I called his clinic just before I got here. Doctor Oliver was in a surgery, so if this is the man you are looking for, then he is alive Luciano.” 

In the tenth week Luke knows that Reid is alive and that is all that matters. 

 

He doesn´t sleep a minute that night. When Lucinda and Damian leave he spends hours reading Reid´s articles that Damian has printed out, even though he doesn’t understand a word of them. Reid is clearly the same genius in this world and Luke finds that comforting. Every other minute he has to lay down the articles and stare at the photograph instead, just to be sure that it´s actually Reid and that nothing has changed that fact.

He scrolls through all the papers in the folder to see if there is another picture of Reid when he finds an e-mail addressed to his grandmother from a firm in New York he has never heard of.

Dear Ms. Walsh,

Here is all the information regarding Doctor Reid Oliver that I managed to gather on such a short amount of time. If you want to me to proceed with the investigation, let me know.

I have attached a file with everything you requested.

I expect to see you in New York soon, so I can take you up on that dinner offer.

Sincerely yours,,

John Dixon

Luke wasn´t sure what surprised him the most. The fact that John Dixon seemed to be some kind of private investigator and not a cardiologist, but still flirted with his grandmother, or that Lucinda actually had someone investigate Reid. He shook his head a little, as if he was trying to clear his head. John Dixon was definitely the biggest surprise, he should have known that his grandmother would do everything she could to find out more about Reid.

He turned the page and there was all the information he never learned about Reid when they were together but was craving to know. He hesitated a bit before he read it, if Reid had wanted him to know he would have told him. As it is now, it feels like he is invading Reid´s privacy. But Luke knows he won´t be able to not read it and calms his bad conscience with that Reid would have told him eventually if they had been given more time together. That thought makes him pick up the picture again, just to be absolutely sure that this is real and he almost loses himself in the sight of Reid before he remembers what he was about to read.

Reid Andrew Oliver, born on January 19th 1975. Only child to Edward and Janet Oliver. Parents died in a car accident 1983 and Reid moved to live with his uncle Angus Oliver until he left for Harvard. Played competitive chess between ages six and thirteen and won almost every tournament.

Went to Harvard University on a scholarship when he was sixteen, four years later he got his Bachelors of Science degree and went to Harvard Medical School where he decided to become a neurosurgeon. Graduated number one in his class and started to work at Massachusetts General Hospital where he was the first surgeon ever to operate in the first neurosurgical OR suite featuring Brain SUITE IMRI, GE Healthcare MR Surgical Technology.

And it goes on and on about groundbreaking discoveries, new ways to treat brain tumors and more awards than Luke can count. The only thing really short in the file is sadly the personal information. It simply states that Reid lives alone in a small apartment just a few blocks away from the hospital and that he doesn’t have any children and has never been married.

Luke reads it over and over again, he can´t get enough of it and only pauses to stare at the picture. He should be released from the hospital the day after tomorrow and his grandmother and father have reluctantly agreed to let him travel to New York immediately as long as he tells the rest of his family first and that the doctors give their clearance.

As soon as the sun comes up he calls his mother and asks her to bring everybody to the hospital. Everybody turns out to be Lily and Holden, his grandmother Emma, Faith, Nathalie, Ethan, Lucinda and Damian. He still finds it kind of weird that Damian is such a big part of his family but in this world Damian is so different that it makes sense that he is here.

He hugs his siblings and listens to everything they have been up to since he was admitted to the hospital and it feels completely normal. Nathalie and Ethan have made drawings for him and Lily helps them to put them up on the wall. Emma has brought his favorite cookies and they all sit around his bed and eat and talk. After an hour Luke starts to get really tired from not having slept at all and Emma offers to drive his siblings home. Lucinda and Damian leave too even though Luke asks them to stay. Alone with his parents he rubs his forehead and thinks of the best way to tell them what he is about to do.

“When are you leaving?” Holden´s question startles him and it takes a little time before he can process what his dad is asking.

“How did you know?” Luke fiddles with the sheet and glances over at his mother who doesn´t say anything, her lips are pressed together into a thin line but she doesn´t look particularly angry or upset.

“Damian told me that he and Lucinda might have found that doctor and I figured that was why you wanted to see us today.”

“Yeah, they found him.” Luke can´t help but break out in a big smile when he says it, still having trouble actually believing that this is happening. “And I´m leaving tomorrow. I have to do this, I have to see him again. You understand that right?” Luke´s voice is a little pleading but deep down he knows that no matter what his parents say he will go and find Reid anyway.

His dad walks up to his bed and, sits down and lays an arm around Luke´s shoulder. “We might not understand it but you are 22-years old and we can´t stop you from doing what you want.”

Luke looks over at his mother. “Mom?”

She takes a deep breath and walks up to him and sits down on the other side of his bed. “We just want you to be happy, sweetie. And if this makes you happy, I guess we have to be okay with it.”

Luke feels the relief rush through him and he reaches out for his mother and pulls her in for a hug. “I promise that this is what will make me happy.”

His mother pulls back a bit and runs her fingers through his hair. “But you call us every day, you hear me? Every day!”

Luke laughs and promises to do that and then he shows them the picture of Reid, and Lily actually agrees to that he is quite handsome even though he looks a bit older then Luke.

In the tenth week Luke falls asleep knowing that Reid is out there, and that they will be together again.

 

In the eleventh week Luke is finally released from the hospital. His father drives him to his and Noah´s apartment and Luke asks Damian to wait in the car for him. He knocks on the door and Noah opens it so fast that it´s almost as if he was standing there just waiting for Luke. Luke enters and looks around and finally accepts that he indeed used to live there. It´s a nice apartment and Luke feel strangely at home. His favorite books are in the bookshelves and there are photographs just everywhere showing him and Noah together. In another life, this is all that Luke would have wanted, but not anymore. The only thing he can think of is finding Reid, and if it wasn´t for the fact that he thinks that he somehow owes it to the Luke whose place he has taken, he wouldn´t bother saying good-bye to Noah at all.

Noah clears his throat, but doesn´t say anything and Luke knows that he is afraid. He should probably feel sorry for him but him doesn´t, because Noah is not important anymore. The only thing that’s important is that Reid is out there and that he and Luke have been given another chance.

Luke decides that it´s time to do what he came for and turns around and meets Noah´s gaze.

“So, I wanted to tell you in person that I´m leaving today,” he says, getting straight to the point.

“Are you going to try and find him?”

Luke briefly considers if he should lie and spare Noah´s feeling but sees no reason to why he should. “Yes, I know where he is, so I just came by to pick up some clothes and tell you before I leave.”

“You could stay and we could try and work this out.” Noah says but it´s more a question.

Luke only shakes his head and turns and walks over to what he guesses must be the bedroom. Before he can enter, Noah grabs his arm and spins him around.

“I mean it Luke, I really love you and I forgive you for everything you said at the hospital. We can make this work.”

Luke decides that there must be something seriously wrong with Noah and tries to pull away but Noah won’t let him.

“Please stay Luke, I know you love me too.” Noah leans in for a kiss but Luke pushes him away so hard that he almost falls over.

“I said no, Noah!” Luke raises his voice a bit and realizes that he doesn´t know this Noah at all. “And I don´t love you anymore. I have no idea what made me get engaged to you in the first place, but it ends now.”

To Luke´s surprise Noah laughs.

“You think anyone except me would want you? This dream guy you have made up doesn´t exist Luke, and even if he did there is no way he would want you.”

“So this is why my family doesn´t like you?” Luke says, more to himself then to Noah.

“What?”

“You know, I thought it was weird that no one in my family seemed to like you, but now I understand why. You´re a complete idiot, and I have wasted enough time on you already.”

Luke walks over to the bedroom and opens drawers and closets, gathering clothes that seems to be his size and throws it all in a bag that Damian has given him. If it wasn´t for the fact that he doesn´t want to waste time on buying new clothes, he wouldn’t have bothered staying there one more minute. But the only thing he wants to do is to get on a plane to New York and find Reid, so he goes out to the bathroom and collects a few things there too. When he´s done he closes the bag and walks out of the apartment, slamming the door shut without bothering to say the good-bye he went there for. Whatever happened to the Luke whose place he has taken can´t be any worse than this.

He throws the bag in the back seat of the car and sits down beside Damian, who looks at him questioningly.

“Are you alright Luciano?” He asks with a concerned voice.

“I´m fine Dam… Papa.” He says with a sigh. “Has he always been like this?”

Damian pulls out of the parking lot and heads towards the airport.

“Not in the beginning, you two seemed pretty happy together then. But two years ago you were offered a place at in New York and we all thought you were going to move there together. But one day you just came and said that you turned it down because you and Noah needed to focus on his career as a filmmaker first.” Damian snorts and adds: “He´s not much of a filmmaker though.”

Luke laughs and decides to leave all that has to do with Noah behind him and only focus on his future with Reid. They are quiet for the rest of the trip and Luke is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn´t realize that they have reached the airport until Damian parks the car. 

They sit there in silent for a while, Luke not sure of how to say goodbye and Damian is tapping his fingers lightly on the steering wheel.

“Soo, “ Luke finally says. “I want to thank you for doing all this for me. I can´t tell you enough how much I appreciate it.”

“No need to thank me, Luciano. I would do anything for you.” 

Luke reaches over and pulls his father in for a hug, he can´t remember the last time he actually hugged Damian, but it feels good. Damian hugs him back and they stay like that for a while before Luke pulls back and opens the door to the car.

“I call you when I get there. Thanks again for everything.” He quickly gets out of the car and shuts the door but to his surprise, his father does the same thing.

“I´m coming with you, “ Damian says and walks over to the trunk and takes out a large bag.

“What? Why?”

“In case you need me. Come on now, it´s my plane so there is no need to argue about this.” And with that he walks towards the airport without even looking back to see if Luke is following him.

They sit down on the plane waiting for it to take off without talking to each other, and it´s not until the pilot announces that they can remove their seatbelts that Luke finally speaks.

“Papa? Thank you.”

Damian looks up from the newspaper he is reading and smiles at Luke. “ I told you, I would do anything for you.”

 

The flight only takes approximately an hour and a half but it feels like days for Luke. He tries to read but he can´t focus on anything and pulls out the photo of Reid and stares at it instead. He can´t believe that he is finally going to see him again. That Reid is alive. And then it hits him. What if Reid doesn´t know who he is? Technically they have never met in this world so most likely Reid has no idea who he is. The thought hurts at first but then Luke decides that it doesn´t really matter, because Reid is alive and that is the most important thing. And he will do anything to make Reid love him again, no matter how long it takes.

They arrive to JFK without any problems and as soon as they are out of the plane, Luke almost runs towards the exit, so eager to finally meet Reid. Damian is right beside him and they quickly find a cab and Damian tells the driver the address to the clinic where Reid works. It´s a short ride and the driver is really chatty but Luke can´t focus on what he is saying. He is starting to get really nervous and has no idea what he is going to say to Reid. He remembers when Reid first came to Oakdale, how cold he was and how much he disliked Luke and right now Luke has no idea if he can handle that. He wants to grab Reid and hold him tight and never let go, he wants to kiss him, to finally feel those lips against his own and he doesn´t want to waste one more minute on waiting before they make love. It doesn´t even matter if Reid doesn´t know who he is or not. Luke is done with waiting and since he now has been given another chance he doesn´t want to wait for anything again.

The cab pulls up right outside the entrance and Damian pays him before following Luke inside the clinic. Luke is quite surprised when he enters the building, because it doesn´t really look like a hospital. There´s a big reception desk at the front and a long corridor with a lot of rooms which Luke can only assume are examination rooms, but it´s bright and gives you a homey feeling. The waiting area has chairs that look very comfortable, a coffee machine and there are a lot of toys.

Luke is just about to walk towards the reception when he hears a familiar voice and his body freezes.

“Do I seriously have to spell it out for you?” The voice is clearly annoyed and just as snarky as Luke remembers.

“But Doctor Oliver…”

And that´s when Luke sees him. He´s walking around a corner arguing with a nurse and it´s definitely him. He´s wearing blue scrubs, the sight of them makes Luke hard instantly, and has a chart in his hand. His hair is short and curly and it looks like he has been running his hand through it numerous times. He walks up to the nurse standing at the reception desk and asks something and Luke wishes he can hear what he is saying but his heart is beating so fast and so hard that it´s the only thing he can hear. He swallows hard and tries to take a step forward but at the same time Reid turns his head and their gazes meet. Luke´s mouth instantly goes dry and his heart beats even faster.

Because it´s really Reid. Reid. His eyes are piercing blue and Luke wants to drown in them. He wishes that he could say something or move forward and touch him but the only thing he can do is stare into those beautiful eyes that are staring back at him. And then suddenly Reid turns to the nurse at the desk and the spell is broken. She says something and Reid gets a worried look on his face and turns around and hurriedly walks back the same way he came. With one last glance back at Luke he is gone and there is nothing Luke can do about it.

In the eleventh week Luke finally, finally sees Reid again.


	4. Chapter 4

In the eleventh week Luke is filled with so many emotions that he has no idea how to handle it.

Seeing Reid again, alive, after all this time, is incredible. Even after seeing the picture of him, reading all the articles and having Lucinda and Damian swear to him that Reid in fact was alive, a part of him was too afraid to believe in it. It´s crazy and unbelievable and amazing. It´s a miracle. But to have had him so close and not have been able to touch him is heartbreaking. Luke´s arms ache from not having been able to hold Reid and he wants to replay the moment where their eyes met and say or do something, anything, but it´s too late and Reid is gone. His head starts to spin and his knees give in and if it wasn´t for Damian ´s strong arms he wouldn´t have been able to stand up anymore.

The nurse at the reception desk looks at them and when she sees the state Luke is in she walks over to them.

“Are you alright sir?”

Luke´s mouth is still as dry as a desert and he is not able to form words so Damian answers.

“My son was in a car accident a few weeks ago and he has not recovered entirely. It´s nothing to worry about, but if he could sit down for a moment and rest, he would feel a lot better.”

The nurse smiles and put her arm around Luke´s back and helps Damian escort him to one of the comfortable chairs. Luke is still shaking and he takes a few deep breaths, hoping that that will help him calm down. His father is making small talk with the nurse but Luke has no idea what they are saying, all he can think of is Reid´s arctic blue eyes and that they were standing less than five meters away from each other. He still can´t believe this is actually happening. Two weeks ago he drank himself to sleep and had no idea how he was supposed to go on and now his life suddenly has a meaning again. Because Reid is alive. He has no idea how this has happened or why, but he decides to not think about it anymore, the only thing important is that he has found Reid.

“We actually came here to see Doctor Oliver.” At the mention of Reid´s name Luke´s head snaps up and he starts paying attention to what his father is saying.

“Oh, I´m so sorry, but Doctor Oliver´s waiting list is over a year long. We do have other doctors that might be able to help you.” The nurse, whose nametag announces that her name is Allison, weird Luke thinks, leans slightly forward against Damian and Luke briefly wonders what she is doing.

“No, no, no. We don´t want to book an appointment, we are actually here for personal reasons.” Damian gives the nurse one of his blinding smiles and she responds with one of her own before getting a confused look on her face, and Luke realizes that they are flirting with each other. If he could, he would have laughed, but as it is now he makes a mental note to tease his father later. It´s funny how easy it is to accept that Damian actually is there for him because he loves him, and not because he has some weird mischievous plan that he needs Luke for, and Luke trusts him completely.

“Oh. Are you… friends with Doctor Oliver?” Allison pronounces the word friends like it some alien word and knowing Reid, Luke is not surprised at all. Thank God that hasn´t changed. 

“Well my son knows him. I have never met him,” Damian answers and the nurse looks relieved and gives Luke a knowing look. Then she changes the subject and asks Damian where his lovely accent comes from and Luke zones out their conversation again and turns his thoughts back to Reid. That look Reid gave him, what did it mean? It felt like they were connected and Luke wonders if Reid felt that too or if it´s only his imagination that wants to believe it, because he so wants Reid to know who he is. He wants to ask Damian what he thinks about it, but not in front of the nurse and he starts to get really impatient with the small talk which doesn´t seem to lead anywhere.

“Reid,” he says out loud, not giving a crap about coherent sentences or that Allison is staring at him with pity, obviously thinking he is mentally retarded.

“Yes, “Damian fills in, “my son would very much like to see Doctor Oliver.”

Allison looks around her and then she leans in even closer to Damian and lowers her voice. “I shouldn´t be telling you this, but since you are… friends with Doctor Oliver I guess it´s okay. He has been in surgery for almost seven hours and the patient is in the ICU at the moment and is not responding well, so I don´t think he will be available for a while.”

Luke wants to rush off to wherever Reid is and just touch and hold him again. But Damian helps him stand up while he thanks Allison for her help and says that they might come back another day. Luke wants to protest but Damian holds his arm in a firm grip and drags Luke along outside and doesn´t stop until they reach a bench where they sit down.

“Damian, I need to see him now!” Luke wants to take out all his anger and disappointment on his father but Damian only pats his hand before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. He snaps it open and quickly dials a number and when the person on the other end answers he barks out orders in Italian not a word of which Luke understands. When he finally hangs up he turns to Luke.

“A car will be arriving soon Luciano. Then we can decide what to do next.”

Surprisingly, a car is delivered less than 10 minutes after Damian´s phone call. A guy, not older then eighteen arrives in a brand new BMW, shakes Damian´s hand and gives him the keys before walking off. Luke guesses he should ask what all that was about and maybe even disapprove on Damian´s obvious shady connections but he doesn´t really care. Right now he is only thankful for everything Damian has done for him.

They sit in silence in the car for a while until Luke starts to get restless.

“What do we do now then?” he asks.

“We wait.”

“Wait for what?” Luke is a bit annoyed and he`s not interested in waiting for anything when Reid is so close.

“Patience, Luciano, patience. We´ll wait for your Doctor Oliver to finish work and then we follow him home, where you can talk to him.” Luke opens his mouth to say it´s a stupid idea because knowing Reid he will probably spend all night at the hospital, but Damian gives him a stern look and continues. “Or we can check into a hotel and come back tomorrow. It´s your choice.”

Luke doesn´t say anything and Damian leans back in the car seat with a satisfied smile. “I thought so. Now, close your eyes and rest for a while. I´ll wake you when he comes out.”

To Luke´s surprise he falls asleep as soon as he closes his eyes and he has no idea how long he has slept when Damian wakes him up by shaking his arm gently. It´s dark outside but the light illuminating from the hospital’s entrance is bright enough to show Reid walking out. He is no longer wearing his scrubs and Luke heart jolts when he sees him again. Reid starts to walk over to the parking lot but stops and seems to hesitate a bit before he turns around and walks off in the other direction. Luke feels panic arise inside him and turns to Damian.

“He´s walking away! What do we do?”

Damian smiles. “Go after him! But Luciano? Try to stay calm and act normal. If he doesn´t know who you are he probably won`t appreciate your throwing yourself at him.”

Luke tries to smile back but his heart is raising and his hands are shaking. He reaches out for the door handle but before he opens the door he turns back to Damian again.

“You really believe me?

Damian sighs. “You are a really bad liar Luciano. And even though you are a good writer you don´t have the imagination to make something like this up, so yes, I believe you.”

Luke feels relief rushing through his body and gives his father a hug, Damian hugs him back quickly before pulling back. “Now, go after him. I´ll wait for you.”

Luke jumps out of the car and runs in the same direction Reid walked off in and he turns around a corner just in time to see Reid enter a bar.

 

Luke walks after him into the bar, not bothering in keeping a distance and act like he isn´t stalking Reid, because he clearly is, and Reid will definitely know it no matter how much he tries to hide it. Reid is wearing tight black jeans, similar to the ones he had in another world and Luke is pleased to see that his ass is just as hot in this, and the same black shirt he was wearing in the photograph Lucinda found.

Reid walks over to the bar and orders something before he sits down. Luke takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm down before he walks over there, not wanting to completely scare Reid away by throwing himself at him. He lets his eyes wander over Reid´s body before his gaze locks on his face. Reid is just as beautiful as ever despite the fact that he looks completely worn out and… sad. Other people probably think he looks just as grumpy as always, but Luke knows Reid and he can tell that he is upset about something.

The thought of Reid sad makes Luke want to rush over there and comfort him but that would probably be a bad idea. He tries to repeat Damian´s words in his head, be casual and act normal, but it´s painfully hard when all he wants to do is to tell Reid how much he loves him and that he´s so happy to see him again.

He hesitates a bit before finally getting the courage and calmness to walk over. He sits down on the barstool next to Reid and forces himself to keep his hands on the bar disk and not on Reid. He can´t, however, force himself to not stare at him. Reid gives him a suspicious glance before he goes back to staring at his beer.

“Hey” Luke tries to say, but it comes out even lower than a whisper and he clears his throat and tries again, this time he successfully manages to say it almost as loud as people normally talks.

Reid takes a sip of his beer before he turns his head towards Luke and raises an eyebrow. “Did you follow me here?”

Luke takes a shaky breath and forces himself to calm down. That voice. He can´t believe he is actually talking to Reid again. After Reid died he thought of all the things he wished he could tell Reid or the million questions he wanted to ask him, and now, when he finally has the chance, he has no idea what to say. But Reid is clearly waiting for him to say something and since Luke has forgotten what he asked he settles with a nod, hoping that is the right answer.

Reid huffs and turns back to his beer. Luke continues to stare at him and he wants to reach out and touch him so badly that his hands literally ache. He can almost feel the softness of Reid´s skin under his fingers and he longs to run a hand through his beautiful curls. Sitting here with Reid feels almost surreal, because the last time they were this close Reid was dying and Luke told him how much he loved him. Now Reid doesn´t have any idea who he is and even though Luke kind of expected that, he still hoped that Reid miraculously would recognize him immediately. He has no idea what to say or what to do or even how to act normal around Reid when all he can think of is all the things he didn´t get to do or say before and now he has to wait even longer for it.

Reid empties his beer and gestures for another to the bartender, who brings one over and looks questioning at Luke. It takes Luke a short time to understand why and when he finally does he blushes a bit and orders a coke.

“You´re ordering a soda in a bar? How old are you?” Reid´s voice is clearly amused but there is something more in it that Luke can´t decipher. Curiosity maybe?

“I don´t drink.” Luke answers the same way he always does, although not completely sure if that really is the case anymore.

Reid snorts. “That´s new.”

“What?” Luke asks with a nervous smile, not really listening to what Reid is saying, still so amazed by the fact that he is actually talking to Reid again.

“Well, you didn´t have any problem drinking the last time I saw you here.”

“What?” Suddenly Luke is listening very carefully.

“Look, I´ve had a long day and I´m really not in the mood for repeating the events of the last time we were here.” 

Reid swallows down the rest of his beer and stands up before Luke manages to process what he is saying. Last time we were here? He reaches out and grabs Reid´s arm and inhales sharply at the spark of electricity he feels when he finally, finally touches Reid again. The soft material of Reid´s shirt is thin and Luke can feel the heat from his body radiating through it but he wants to feel skin, he needs to, and his other hand reaches out for Reid´s, but before he can grab it Reid pulls away. Luke quickly stands up so they are facing each other and his gaze meets Reid. They stare at each other and Luke is just about to reach out for Reid again when he takes a few steps back and smirks.

“It was a displeasure meeting you again, Mr. Grimaldi.” He says before he turns around and walks through the doors.

Luke falls back on his chair and rests his head in his hands. He wants to follow Reid, but he isn`t able to move and he needs to think.

In the eleventh week Luke realizes that things are even more complicated and confusing than before. He has no idea what Reid meant and what has happened between them before. The only thing he is absolutely certain of is that he loves Reid and if there is the slightest chance that Reid might know him, then there is a chance that Reid may love him again.


	5. Chapter 5

In the eleventh week Luke´s head is spinning and he has no idea what to think or what to do next. Somehow he and Reid has meet before and Luke has a feeling he didn´t make a very good first impression. Everything has become a lot harder now then it was before. What has he said or done to Reid that made him leave so abruptly?

Every minute since he woke up in this new world or universe raises even more questions. As he sits in the bar, staring at the door Reid left through, he feels a sudden urge for a drink. Just one drink to clear his head and calm him down. Since he hasn´t had a kidney transplant he should be able to drink and Reid said he had been drinking the last time they met. He turns around to order something a lot stronger from the bartender but changes his mind again. He feels exactly the same as he did before, which probably means that he is still an alcoholic, and even if he was drinking two weeks ago he will not take the chance of doing it now. Reid is alive and Luke won’t do anything to jeopardize them being together again.

He rests his head against his palms and tries to inhale deep, calm breaths, but it isn´t working, he still aches after Reid and he still wants that drink so badly. He reaches down for his phone in his pocket and flips it open. He ignores the dozens of missed calls and messages he has received ever since he woke up and looks for Damian´s number in his contacts, which is filled with names he doesn´t recognize, but it isn´t there and he starts to feel panicked. Then he suddenly remembers something and looks under the letter P instead. He´s filled with relief when he sees `Papa` and quickly presses send. Damian answers immediately.

“Luciano?”

“Please come and get me, I´m in some bar just around…”

“I know, I´m right outside.”

Luke hangs up and stands up on shaky legs. He guesses that Damian followed him and feels strangely comforted by the thought of his father being so close. He walks out from the bar and right into Damian´s waiting car.

His father seems to understand that he doesn´t want to talk so they drive in silence to the hotel Damian has booked. The room is a large suite with two bedrooms and Damian explains it with that he thought Luke might didn´t want to be alone. They order room service even though Luke insists that he isn´t very hungry but Damian orders him to eat anyway.

After the dinner they sit back and Luke finally finds himself able to talk again and he really needs answers to some questions.

“Damian, what´s my last name?” Damian looks up from the papers he has been going through and looks questioning at Luke. “I mean, is it Grimaldi or Snyder?”

“What was your name before?” Damian puts down his papers and leans back on the couch.

“Umm, well since Holden adopted me it was Snyder. And you were…well, not like you are now.” Luke blushes a bit because there is no proper way to tell his father that as far as Luke knows he was a scheming bastard who always made Luke´s life a mess and who cared more about his business than his only son.

“Yes, Holden mentioned that you where a bit surprised to have me in your life.” Damian laughs. “But to answer your question your name is Grimaldi- Snyder, although you use the name Grimaldi for business and Snyder for your writing. You said that you didn´t want people to know who you really were when you write.”

Luke wonders if that means that Holden did adopt him even though Damian is still very much present and he guesses he could ask Damian about it, but right now the only thing he wants to know is what Reid meant and what has happened between them.

“Why do you ask?” Luke is so engaged in his thoughts that Damian`s question startles him.

“It´s just something Reid said.” Luke falters a bit after that, but Damian doesn´t say anything, clearly waiting for Luke to continue. “He knows who I am. Well sort of. He said that I have been at that bar before, probably pretty drunk too and that he wasn´t interested in `repeating the events of last time we where there` and he called me Mr. Grimaldi.” Luke sighs and covers his face in his hands. “He doesn´t seem to like me at all and I don´t know what I have done or what I´m supposed to do now.”

Luke´s voice cracks a little and Damian reaches out and puts his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. “I just… I can´t stand this anymore. Everything is so messed up! I mean I know that there was a chance that he wouldn´t know who I am at all, and I had kind of accepted that, but him not liking me, it just… it hurts so much and I don´t know what to do now. I mean, I must have said or done something stupid because he just left almost the same minute that I sat down. What do I do if I can´t get him to like me again?”

Luke is crying when he stops talking and Damian pulls him in for a hug. He rests his head against his father´s chest and tries to calm down but the last week’s emotional rollercoaster has taken its turn on him and he can´t stop crying. Damian strokes his back and whispers soothing words in Italian, words Luke doesn´t understand but finds strangely comforting nonetheless.

“I can´t lose him again, Papa. I just can´t.”

 

Luke takes a shower and when he´s done he stands in front of the mirror and stares at his own reflection. He traces the soft skin on his side where he used to have a large scar and is surprised to realize that he actually misses it. It was such a big part of the person he has become today and whenever he felt the urge to drink he would draw his hand lightly along the scar and remember why he couldn´t. He turns away from the mirror and puts on a t-shirt and his pajama pants, brushes his teeth’s and walks out to Damian. His father is still sitting on the couch but instead of going through contracts or whatever it is he´s working on at the moment he has three notebooks in front of him.

“It´s your journals. Well, the other you’s journals.” Damian says with a smile. “You kept them in your office at Grimaldi shipping. I always suspected you hid them from Noah.” He frowns, as if saying the name of Luke´s former boyfriend is disgusting. “Anyway, I brought them here thinking you might want to know a little bit more about yourself from a trustworthy source.”

Luke reaches out for the notebooks and says a distressed goodnight before entering his bedroom. He quickly undresses and climbs in the bed only dressed in boxers. He stares at the notebooks, not really knowing if he wants to read them or not. If this other Luke was anything like himself, they are probably filled with Noah worship and he´s really not in the mood to read that. But he is curious to know a bit more about himself so he starts with the first one. And as he thought it´s all Noah this and Noah that and he can´t believe how childlike it sounds. Whatever he felt for Noah, in this life or another, it´s nothing compared to what he feels for Reid.

He picks up the second one and is surprised to see that obviously this other Luke was a lot smarter than he was.

“I don´t know if I can do this anymore. No matter what Noah says or does, he always expects me to come crawling back to him and I´m sick of doing it. It´s always about him and his future and it feels like he thinks I can just drop everything and go with him wherever he needs to go. I don´t even know if I love him anymore.” 

Luke is suddenly willing to read a lot more. What happened after this? How did they get engaged? He scrolls another couple of pages and there it is. He almost laughs out loud when he reads about the accident that made Noah blind and how guilty he feels about trying to break up in that particular moment and that it´s his fault entirely. He reads about Noah guilt tripping him to no ends and how they travel to Chicago and to get the surgery done by some doctor called Channing and how he owes Noah to stay together with him.

“Noah asked me to marry him today. I guess this should be one of the happiest days of my life but instead I feel trapped and almost sick. My parents took turns in trying to talk me out of this but Noah says I owe it to our relationship to do this, seeing how I nearly caused him his sight. I just wish I could feel a tiny bit happy about it.”

Luke shakes his head. Yup, there´s the Luke he recognizes. Noah´s doormat. Only this time he wasn`t even in love with him anymore. He continues to read and when he comes to the part where he got a letter from a publicist about the latest article he sent in, he can see real happiness for the first time in months. He reads about convincing Noah that he really has to go and at least meet with them, even if New York is so not the best place for Noah to live right now, and how free Luke feels to be alone and doing something for himself. And then he freezes, because he wasn´t expecting to see what comes next and he has to re-read it to be sure it actually means what he think it means.

“I have no idea what I have done, and I guess I should feel really ashamed and I do, but not for the right reasons. Yesterday I called Noah and told him how much I loved the place and that I wanted to accept their offer. He didn´t take it very well and reminded me of all the reasons why I shouldn´t, and for the first time in months I stood up for myself and told him that it wasn´t all about him. It´s safe to say that didn´t turn out very well and we got in a huge fight. I hung up, shut off my phone and entered the first bar I saw.

I have no idea how much I have had to drink when this man enters. There are no words to describe him other than that he probably is one of the most handsome men I have ever seen. He sat down beside me and ordered a beer but instead of actually drinking it he just peeled on the label with his fingers and I couldn´t stop staring at his hands. I had no idea that I could get so turned-on only from watching a man`s hands.

I started to talk to him and in the beginning he clearly wasn´t interested at all and kept insulting me in a really funny way but I just couldn´t stop myself. I have never before felt such a need for anyone before. When he finally looked at me I wasn´t able to breathe, he had the most amazing eyes. We talked for hours. After that everything gets a bit blurry but I somehow convinced him to follow me to my hotel room and the moment we enters he pushes me up against the wall and kisses me. It was not like anything I ever could have imagined. Not even when Noah and I had just gotten together he managed to make me breathless from just a kiss. He took off my shirt and I tried to unbutton his and we were just about to lie down on the bed when I threw up all over myself. Thank God, I had enough sense left to turn around first. I thought he was going to leave right at that instant, instead he took me to the bathroom and helped me clean myself up. I´m so embarrassed even thinking of it. Sadly, it doesn´t end there. Seeing how emotional I always get when I drink I started crying and rambled about Noah and our relationship and how messed up it was. Finally he cut me off and ordered me to shut up and go to bed and I must have fallen asleep the same moment my head hit the pillow. When I woke up this morning he was gone and there was a glass of water and two painkillers on my bedside table. 

I just… God, why do I always drink so much? I want to call him and tell him how sorry I am but there has to be thousands of Reid´s in New York. I can`t believe I actually…”

Luke goes through the rest of the pages in the journal to see if there is anything else written about Reid, but except from mentioning about the kisses and how ashamed he still feels months later, there is nothing. Luke is filled with relief because even if he didn´t make a very good first impression it´s not as bad as he thought it would be. This is something he can fix and obviously Reid was attracted to him. He feels a small amount of jealousy from reading about Reid kissing someone else even though it´s absolutely ridiculous. He closes his eyes and for the first time in eleven weeks he falls asleep without crying.

 

In the twelfth week Luke wakes up screaming. Reid is dead, and it´s so real and so heartbreaking that he can´t stop shaking. He´s all alone and has no idea if the last two weeks have been a dream and he´s still trapped in a world without Reid or if all that has happened actually is real. He turns on the light and realizes that he is still in the hotel room he was in yesterday but when he looks at the floor the notebooks are gone. He jumps off the bed to see if they are under the bed or in the bedside table, but they are nowhere to be found and he starts to feel even more panicked. If all this was just a dream, he can´t, he won’t be able to go on anymore.

In a desperate attempt to find the notebooks he starts to remove the covers and sheets from the bed and he´s just about to move the mattress when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Luciano!” Luke turns around and when he sees Damian he relaxes a little bit. His father is dressed in blue pajamas in some expensive material and somewhere in the back of his mind he notices that Damian looks as perfect as ever despite his messy bed hair.

“The journals, they were… I had them right here and now they are just gone.” He is about to continue searching for them when Damian reaches out and pulls him in to a hug.

“I have them, Luciano. I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have read them but I wanted to know if I was right about Noah.” Luke feels himself visibly relax now that he knows where the notebooks are, or rather that he know that they really exist.

Damian makes the bed for him and tucks him in, which makes Luke feel like he is a little boy again and he realizes that he has no memories of Damian ever doing this before. The thought makes him sad. There is so much time wasted between them and when he finally has Reid back he will try to make up for that by getting to know his father better. 

“Damian?” His father is just about to leave the room but stops in the doorway and turns back to Luke and raises an eyebrow. “Did you read the part with Reid?”

Damian tries to hold back a smile but fails miserably. “Yes, I did and I really hope that´s not the way it usually goes when you try to pick up someone.” 

Luke groans and pulls the sheets over his head when his father starts laughing. “It could be worse Luciano and at least you now know what you did.”

Damian is right and even if it´s a bit embarrassing it´s something he can fix. And Reid had to have cared about him, at least a little bit, otherwise he wouldn´t have helped him at all.

“Try to get some sleep now, we´ll figure out what to do next tomorrow, mio figlio.”

Luke smiles and closes his eyes and Damian turns around again to leave.

“Papa? Thank you. For everything.”

In the twelfth week Luke knows that everything will be alright. Reid is alive and right now that is all that matters.


	6. Chapter 6

In the twelfth week Luke is standing outside the hospital trying to muster up enough courage to actually enter. Last night´s dream still feels so real and he needs to see Reid to be sure that the last few weeks have really happened. He wants to touch Reid so badly that his whole body is aching for him, but he has to remember that it´s not the same. Reid is not the same, and if Luke walked in there and hugged him and declared his love, Reid would most likely throw him out or order a CAT-scan.

He takes a deep breath and walks through the doors and up to the reception where Alison is standing.

“Oh hello again”, she says and smiles. “Lucas, right?”

“Luke actually. Everything okay?” Alison seems to be a bit surprised from the fact that Luke can perform coherent sentences and she seems to revaluate his mental status.

“I´m fine thank you.” She looks behind him questioning. “Didn´t your father come with you today?”

“Sorry, he had some other stuff he had to do.” Alison looks so disappointed that Luke has to add “but I´m sure he will drop by another day.” Not that Damian has said anything about that. In fact he stated that he was only nice to her to get the information they needed but Luke sees no need to fill Alison in on that.

“So, is Doctor Oliver here today?”

Alison glances around to make sure that no one is listening before she leans forward. “Yes he is! He´s going through some paperwork today and said that he didn´t want to be disturbed unless the hospital was caught on fire, but I´m sure he wouldn´t mind a visit from a friend. Go down this corridor and his office is the third to the left.”

Luke says thank you and walks down the corridor until he reaches Reid´s office. He raises his hand to knock but his trembling fingers trace the name on the golden plate. He suddenly remembers that he has done this once before, on Reid´s gravestone and he feels blinded by grief for a second. Reid is alive. He closes his eyes and exhales a breath he didn´t even know he was holding and knocks hard on the door.

“What?” Reid´s annoyed voice isn’t exactly welcoming but Luke opens the door anyway and walks into the room.

Reid is sitting behind a huge desk, a pen in his hand with at least ten files spread out in front of him. His hair is damp, and Luke guesses he’s just had a shower. His short hair is curlier than usual and it makes him look so handsome and so sexy in a way that is so Reid, and Luke wants to walk right up to him and run his fingers through it. He doesn’t though, because when Reid sees him, he leans back in his chair and raises his eyebrows and Luke remembers that nothing is like it should be.

“Hey.”

Reid rolls his eyes. “You don´t give up do you, Mr. Grimaldi?”

Luke closes the door behind him and walks over to the chair across from Reid and sits down. “Not when it comes to you.”

“Please, do come in and take a seat,” Reid says sarcastically and gestures to the chair Luke is already sitting in.

Luke smiles nervously and realizes how much he has missed this. Missed Reid, missed hearing Reid´s snarkiness, missed their banter.

“Look”, he says, “I´m really sorry about last time. I usually don´t drink that much but I was having a rough time and I wanted to thank you for taking care of me.”

Reid lets out a surprised laugh. “You´re unbelievable”, he says and rubs his forehead with his hand.

“Yeah, anyway. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to do it again?” Luke can feel his cheeks turning pink. “I mean, not the part with me getting too much to drink, but go out for dinner or something…” He trails off, curious about the look of disgust on Reid´s face.

“You know, Mr. Grimaldi, I despise people like you. First you try to buy me and when that doesn´t work you move on to blackmail. Then you show up months later, using a fake name and try to get me into bed. And now you want to have dinner. What`s wrong with you?”

“What?” Luke feels like he is having a flashback to the first time he meet Reid, the same angry gaze meeting his and words similar to those he had just spoken. But it didn´t make any sense, what blackmailing?

“I´m curious though“, Reid continues, “what where you trying to accomplish by sleeping with me?” 

“I… What? Nothing! I just… I had no idea who you were.” Luke can´t seem to find the right words and he wasn´t prepared for this. 

“You almost made me lose my medical license and then you just happened to enter the same bar as me one night. Don´t pretend to be an even bigger idiot than you already are.”

Luke is speechless. He stares at Reid and tries to understand what the hell is happening but nothing makes sense. Did he try and blackmail Reid into coming to Oakdale but didn´t achieve it in this world? There was nothing about this in the journal and if Damian helped him he should have said so. What have I done?

“I… I don´t know what to say.” He looks pleadingly at Reid, but the man who is staring back at him shows no emotion at all except for anger and Luke realizes that this isn´t his Reid. The thought hurts so much that he pushes it away, because he will not give up, there has to be a way to make this right.

Reid snorts. “You don´t? Well, that must be a first. I thought you were incapable of shutting up.”

“Why are you treating me like this?”

“Why?” Reid sounds surprised from the fact that Luke actually has to ask that. “Because I don´t like you. People like you seem to think they can get whatever they want just because they are born with blue blood in their veins. I´m not easily bought or blackmailed into doing something I don´t want to do, and I sure as hell won´t sleep with you so get the hell out of my office.” 

 

In the twelfth week Luke no longer knows what´s real and what´s a dream. In a way he feels like he´s back to square one and he tries to tell himself that it isn´t worse than the first time they met. But deep down inside, he knows that this will be a lot harder than he anticipated.

 

Luke has no memory from how he got back to the hotel. He wandered around the streets in New York, unable to come up with anything to make this better, to fix things, to know what the hell has happened. He wants to tell Reid the truth so bad, but he doesn´t know where to start and if this Reid is anything like the one he loves, he won’t believe him. Not yet anyway.

When he finally reaches the hotel, anger has replaced the feeling of hopelessness and it feels so good to be angry instead of feeling sad. He admits being angry at Reid for not giving in to him, for not feeling the connection between them and for making this so hard. He´s angry at the whole situation, hasn´t he suffered enough already? He lost Reid, he had to watch the man he loves die and seconds later he had to endure people he considered being his friends act like vultures.

He went through nine painful weeks without Reid where he tried to drink himself to death, and then he wakes up in this parallel universe where nothing makes sense, but where Reid is alive only to find out that Reid hates him. It´s not fair and Luke can´t stand it anymore.

He unlocks the door and when he walks in the first thing he sees is his father sitting on the couch talking on his phone. He feels the anger burning inside of him and he knows exactly what he is going to do with it. He slams the door shut and marches up to his father who looks up at him, a bit surprised

“It was you wasn´t it?” Luke spits out, not caring that his father is in the middle of a phone call.

Damian says something in Italian and shuts his phone, looking more than a bit annoyed by Luke´s interruption. “It was me what?”

“Don´t give me that shit! I know you forced me to blackmail him to come to Oakdale and do Noah´s surgery, don´t lie to me.” Damian opens his mouth to say something but Luke isn´t interested in whatever lies his father is about to give him. “It´s so typical you, isn´t it? God, I can´t believe I actually trusted you again. I´m such an idiot, you will never change.” He laughs bitterly and is about to leave when Damian grabs his arm and pulls him around.

“Luciano, what are you talking about?” Damian´s eyes narrow dangerously and he looks more upset than Luke has seen in a long time.

“Don´t play innocent! You made me try to blackmail Reid into doing Noah´s surgery and now he hates me! You could have told me before I went over there, but as usual you don´t care about me at all, do you?” He tries to pull his arm loose so he can get out of there but Damian tightens his grip.

“Be very careful of what you say to me Luciano. I may have done a lot of things in the past that I´m not proud of, but since your mother gave me that ultimatum 18 years ago I haven´t done anything that could be considered even remotely illegal, and that includes blackmailing.” Damian releases Luke´s arm and turns around to the table to pick up his papers.

“What ultimatum?” The anger is slowly leaving him and instead, he starts to feel ashamed of the things he accused his father of. Damian sounds sincere and even if he told Luke to blackmail Reid it was still Luke´s choice to do it.

“If I didn´t stop with everything illegal and dangerous your mother wouldn´t let me see you again. Why do you think I live in Oakdale?” Damian turns around and Luke can see that he´s still angry but his eyes soften when he watches his son. “Everything I have done, I have done for you and I swear that I have never heard of your Reid Oliver until you told me about him three weeks ago.” Damian turns to leave and this time it´s Luke who reaches out for him.

“Damian, I´m so sorry.”

“We can talk about this later Luciano, I have a few things to take care of right now.”

Luke watches his father leave and sinks down in the couch, covering his face with his hands. Today turned out to be a brilliant day Reid hates him and his father, who has done nothing but help him, is angry at him.

 

In the thirteenth week Luke still wakes up every night screaming. Reid is dead and it´s so painful and it hurts so much that Luke can´t breathe. The only difference is that Reid is no longer dying in a train crash. One night he drowns and another night he gets hit by a bus. He has been stabbed, poisoned, hung, he’s fallen off a hotel balcony and on one particularly awful night, he died in Luke´s arms from a gunshot, inflicted by none other than Damian.  
After that Luke is afraid of falling asleep and he tries to stay awake by reading the journals more thoroughly but it doesn´t take long until Reid is there, blood in his hair and those blue eyes filled with so much pain and fear. Luke jolts awake and he picks up the photo of Reid and tries to calm down. His heart is racing and his hands are trembling and the only thing he can think of is that he needs something to make him forget, to make him sleep peacefully.

He walks into the living room and opens the mini bar. There are a few beer bottles and an expensive champagne, but it´s not what Luke craves. He needs vodka and he opens a few cabinets but there is nothing so he settles for the beer. There is more alcohol in the champagne but opening up a bottle of champagne makes him feel like he´s celebrating something and that feels so wrong. He opens a beer, raises the bottle and takes a big gulp when he feels a hand on his arm.

“Luciano Eduardo Grimaldi Snyder. What the hell do you think you´re doing?”

Luke jumps and almost drops the bottle but manages to put it down without spilling too much.

“You scared me,” he says to Damian and wipes his mouth with his arm.

“I asked you what you were doing.”

“I just, I couldn´t sleep and I need… wanted something to drink, what´s wrong with that?” Luke says defensively because he feels like he has been caught doing something he shouldn´t be doing.

“What´s wrong with that? You told me you were an alcoholic Luciano, I think you know what´s wrong with this.”

“Not in this world or universe or wherever I am. This body has never had a kidney transplant, I should be able to drink whatever I want.”

Damian sighs and shakes his head before he walks over to the couch and motions for Luke to join him. “It doesn´t matter which body you have Luciano. The need to drink is in your head, and you still have the same head don´t you?”

Luke closes his eyes and runs his hands over his face. He knows that Damian is right and he knows that he shouldn´t be drinking but he can still feel the taste of beer on his tongue and he wants more.

“I can´t sleep and I needed something to make me relax.”

“Drinking is not the solution Luciano and I will not allow it.”

“You do know that I´m 22 year’s old right?”

“23 actually, but I´m still you´re father and this is not negotiable.”

“Fine, “ Luke says and stares at angrily at his father until he realizes what Damian just said. “I´m 23?”

“Happy birthday Luciano,” Damian answers with a smile.

“Oh God, I forgot. And I talked to mom earlier and she didn´t mention it either.”

“You called your parents?”

“Yeah, I wanted to know if she knew anything about this whole blackmailing thing, but all she remembered was that Noah had wanted some famous neurosurgeon, but he had a really long waiting list so we had to settle for Doctor Channing. I called my grandmother too, but she didn´t know either, so I guess the only way I can find out is if I ask Noah, and I´m really not interested in talking to him.” Luke walks up and takes a bottle of water from the mini bar and pours the rest of the beer down the sink. He feels strangely relieved from doing so, and walks back to the couch with his water.

“It doesn´t matter though, it´s still my fault and I can´t change what I have done,” he continues. “He almost threw me out of his office.”

They sit in silence for a while and Luke plays up the scene where Reid told him to leave in his head again, trying to think of what he could have said or done differently. With a heavy sigh he realizes that he can´t come up with anything.

“You can´t give up now Luciano.”

“What am I supposed to do then? He hates me.” Luke is unable to sit down anymore so he gets up and starts pacing back and forth in the room. “And he thinks that I´m still trying to blackmail him into doing something and seeing how stubborn he is, I can´t convince him otherwise.”

“Of course you can. Think Luciano! You know him, think of something you can do for him. Now, try to get some sleep, you look terrible.” With that, his father walks up to the mini bar and pulls out every bottle that contains alcohol and takes them with him in to his room.

 

In the thirteenth week he´s back at the hospital again, with a cup of Reid´s special coffee. Everything Damian said made sense and Luke will not give up. He would have preferred to meet Reid somewhere else, but since he turned down him down last time and Luke doesn´t want to feel like a complete stalker he decides to go to the hospital. Anyway, knowing Reid, he probably spends most of his waking hours there anyway.

The reception is weirdly enough unattended and Luke hesitates a bit before he walks down to Reid´s office and knocks. There is no answer though and the door is locked so he turns around and decides to head back to the waiting area and stay there until someone can tell him where Reid is. I will not give up.

“Seriously, there is no way of getting rid of you is there, Mr. Grimaldi?” Reid´s voice is coming from somewhere behind him and Luke can´t help but smile before he turns around. Reid is dressed in scrubs and has one of those ridiculously looking surgical hats in his hand. He´s just as beautiful as ever but he looks even more tired than the last time they meet and Luke has to force himself to stay where he is and not walk over and touch him. Instead he leans against the wall, shoves his hands in his pockets and gives Reid a cheeky grin.

“Fancy meeting you here Doctor Oliver.”

Reid snorts. “Fancy that. Look, if I wanted someone to follow me around I would get a dog.”

“Or an intern,” Luke says.

“What?”

Luke shakes his head, trying to let go of the flashback he got. “Nevermind.”

He suddenly remembers why he’s there and holds out the cup in his hand. “I brought you coffee.”

Reid glances down at the cup before his gaze meets Luke´s again. “What makes you think I want to accept anything you have to offer?”

“Oh, come on now.” Luke takes a few steps closer and wiggles the cup a bit. “It´s your favorite.”

“I seriously doubt that. Is it poisoned?” 

“Doctor Oliver, I know you don´t think much of me, “Luke says jokingly, “but I wouldn´t try to kill you in your own hospital.”

The corners of Reid´s mouth twitches, as if he´s trying to suppress a smile. It´s only for a second but Luke feels a rush of relief from that tiny crack in Reid´s armor. Encouraged by the small victory he takes a few steps closer to Reid, who hesitates a bit before he raises his hand and finally accepts the cup. Luke closes his eyes when he feels Reid´s fingers brush lightly over his, but it´s over in a second and when he opens his eyes again he sees Reid taking a small sip and furrowing his brows.

“How did you know I drink this?” he asks suspiciously.

Luke smiles. “Just a lucky guess. I´ll see you around Doctor Oliver.” He turns around and walks towards the exit.

 

In the thirteenth week Luke believes there is hope after all.


	7. Chapter 7

Reid Oliver doesn´t count weeks like Luke does. He doesn´t really count anything. He doesn´t count the days until he reaches Friday when he realises he has the weekend off, he lives for his job and if he could choose, he would never have to take another day off. He doesn´t count the days until his birthday (seriously, why celebrate getting older?) and he certainly doesn´t participate in any kind of Christmas countdown. He doesn´t count the number of patients he saves and he doesn´t count the ones he has lost. He always remembers them though.

If he did count however, he might have noticed that it´s been exactly fourteen weeks since the nightmares started but he doesn´t, so for him the fourteenth week is just like every other week. He is awoken at 5 am from the awful sound of his alarm clock and for a second he entertains the idea of putting a pillow over his head and to go back to sleep. He doesn´t though, because he is Reid fucking Oliver, neurosurgeon extraordinaire and he has lives to save and brains to operate on.

He sighs heavily and rolls over to the side before he pulls himself up into a sitting position and slaps the annoying alarm off. He gives himself five minutes, just sitting at the edge of the bed and trying to wake up. Usually he is awake before his alarm goes off, but thanks to the dreams he’s been having he always feels tired. He finds them more annoying than anything else. He works long days and he needs his sleep to be in top shape in the operating room. He shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts before he turns around and violently shakes the arm of the blonde lying beside him.

“Geez Reid, I hate when you do that.” His voice is thick with sleep but Reid can clearly hear the annoyance too and that makes him smirk.

“I told you I had to get up early and as I recall, you said that wouldn´t be a problem since you´re such a morning person.” The last words are said in a mocking tone and he stands up and slaps the other mans bare ass. “I´m going to take a shower, we´re leaving in 45 minutes.”

The shower is hot and he closes his eyes and turns his face up against the shower jets in an attempt to wash the tiredness away. He has an important surgery in less than three hours and he has to be in perfect shape for it. His head is spinning and he tries to get that dream out of his head. Every fucking night for God knows how many months now, if he didn´t despise therapists so much, he would probably see one. He smiles when he hears the door to the shower open and realizes that he knows exactly what he needs to relax.

He turns around and pushes the other man up against the shower wall before attacking his mouth. They kiss roughly and Reid puts his left hand on the other mans hip and the other one on his hardening cock. He jerks it a few times before he breaks the kiss and spins the blonde around and reaches out for a condom, conveniently placed next to the bottles of shampoo and shower gels on the rack. He rolls it on and grabs the other mans hair and pulls his head back for another kiss. He lets his hand run along the other mans spine before he reaches his ass and he cups the left cheek before he roughly pushes two of his fingers inside. The other man hisses at the intrusion but he is still pretty open from the night before, so it doesn´t take long until he is pushing himself down on Reid´s fingers and is moaning loudly.

“Dammit Reid, stop being such a tease and just fuck me already.”

Reid removes his fingers and pushes himself all the way inside in one swift movement. Once inside he holds still for a while to let the other man adjust to him and when he feels that he has relaxed enough, he starts moving in and out with fast and hard thrusts. The blonde raises his arm and runs his fingers through Reid´s wet curls. He tilts his head backwards and tries to capture Reid´s mouth in another kiss but as usual Reid won´t let him. Instead he bites down on the blonde’s neck and sucks lightly while he grabs his dick and starts jerking it in time with his thrusts. The blonde comes first with a stifled moan and when Reid feels the tightening on his cock he comes to.

They dress in silence, both still tired and it´s not until they are outside the building Reid lives in, that they speak again.

“So Dylan, when are you back in town again?” Reid asks.

“Probably not until the end of the next month. I´ll call you when I know.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” Dylan gives him a quick peck on his cheek and Reid walks away, looking forward to going to the hospital and scrub in.

His mind is so focused on the awaiting surgery that he doesn´t notice the person in front of him until he almost bumps into him. He recognizes Mr. Grimaldi immediately, standing there with two cups of coffee in his hand and Reid has no doubt whatsoever that one of the cups are meant for him. Every day for the last week, Mr. Grimaldi has shown up at the hospital with Reid´s favorite caramel latte and Reid has no idea what disturbs him the most: the obvious stalking or that this guy has somehow figured out that he drinks that girly thing. 

His first thought is to just step aside and walk past him, but he takes a closer look and Mr. Grimaldi seems to be frozen in place, looking awfully pale and since he is a doctor he feels obligated to see that the other man is alright.

“Mr. Grimaldi. I wish I could say I was surprised to see you here, but we both know that I´m not.” The other man doesn´t answer, instead he just stares back at Reid. It´s not the I-find-you-so-edible-look that he usually has, instead, he looks like someone just ran off with his trust fund. Reid snaps his fingers in front of him and that seems to wake the blonde up.

“Who was that?” The blonde´s voice is dangerously low and even more icy than it was when he called and tried to blackmail Reid into doing some boring surgery on a blind guy and Reid finds it rather amusing, even though he has no idea what he is talking about.

“Who was what?”

To Reid´s surprise Mr. Grimaldi drops the coffee, grabs his shirt and pushes him up against the wall. “Answer me! The guy you just kissed, who is he?”

“I can´t see how that is any of your business. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have an important meeting with a scalpel to attend to.” Reid tries to break loose but the grip on his shirt is surprisingly firm.

“This isn´t a joke, Reid. Is he your boyfriend?” When Reid doesn´t answer fast enough Mr. Grimaldi pulls him forward a bit before slamming him back against the wall again. “I said, is he your fucking boyfriend?”

Reid is so stunned, and to his surprise a little aroused from the manhandling, that he answers without thinking. “He´s not a boyfriend, I don´t do that crap. We just fuck on a regular basis.”

Mr. Grimaldi doesn´t seem to like that answer. He mumbles something like “I should have known” and “it´s so you” but he doesn´t let go of the grip on his shirt, instead he raises his other hand and hits Reid´s chest a few times.

Reid starts to get a bit annoyed, “I don´t see why my sex life or any part of my life for that matter is your business. Can you unleash the death grip on my shirt now?”

Mr. Grimaldi laughs and shakes his head before turning his head towards Reid´s so their eyes meet and Reid is surprised to see all the different emotions fighting for control in those chocolate brown eyes.

“Sometimes I really hate you.” The blonde almost mumbles the words and Reid is just about to open his mouth and deliver a witty comeback, because that ´s what he does best, when Mr. Grimaldi smashes his mouth against his.

It´s hard and dry and it´s more a claim of ownership than an actual kiss in the beginning. They just stand there for a while with their mouths pressed together until the blonde suddenly pulls away. His breathing is heavy and he looks like he is just about to say something when Reid´s hand raises and cups his cheek. Reid has no idea why he does it, it´s almost as if his hand is moving on its own accord and he is surprised to realize how easy and normal and right it feels to touch the other man. Their lips meet again and this time it´s softer, it starts off as a close-mouthed kiss but then Mr. Grimaldi´s, Luke´s, hand is in his hair and Reid puts his other hand around his waist and pulls him closer. When he feel Luke´s tongue against the seam of his lips, he quickly opens his mouth to let him enter and it´s warm and wet and Luke whimpers softly when Reid slides his tongue against his. Reid tilts his head in an attempt to deepen the kiss when he hears the familiar, and right at this moment, the very disturbing sound of his beeper. He pulls away and almost smiles at the disappointed sound Luke makes when their lips part.

“It´s an emergency, I´ve got to go,” he says after checking the message. His gaze meets Luke´s and he takes in the sight of the man standing before him with his cheeks flushed and his kiss-swollen mouth slightly open. When the blonde´s tongue darts out to wet his lower lip, Reid has to fight the urge to kiss him again and since he has no idea what to say he turns around and walks away.

He pulls out his phone and calls the hospital.

“I´ll be there in less than five minutes. Cancel my eight o´clock surgery and get my team ready now.” He hangs up without waiting for an answer and puts away all thoughts of the kiss so he can focus on his patient.

 

The surgery takes six hours and when he finally sits down in his office with something to eat he´s so tired that he almost can´t keep his eyes open. He pulls out Annie´s file and goes through everything he has done so far and tries to think of other ways to move forward with her treatment. He can´t concentrate and thoughts of Luke keep popping up in his mind whilst he’s trying to finish up some reports. Finally, he gives up and leans back in his chair and closes his eyes.

He and Dylan have had this... arrangement for almost a year and it works fine. They see each other once or twice a month, whenever Dylan is in town, have dinner and then have sex. Dylan isn´t much for talking and he´s a pretty nice and good-looking guy and it saves Reid the time and effort to go out and pick somebody up just for the night. They never talk about feelings or commitment and Reid is content with the way things are going since he doesn´t have the time or willingness to have an actual relationship.

And then there is Mr. Grimaldi. Reid has no idea what to think of him. First he tries to bribe him into doing some boring surgery on a blind guy in a town Reid can´t remember the name of and when that didn´t work he moved on to blackmailing. He wasn´t very good at it obviously but it still annoys Reid that he actually called the AMA and told them to take a look at him. Nothing happened thankfully but he could have been put under investigation and in that case, he wouldn´t have been able to work for God knows how long.

Months later he shows up at the same bar as Reid and introduces himself with a completely different name, drinks too much and manages to persuade Reid into following him to his hotel room. And that is quite an achievement, since the thought of having sex in a germ-covered hotel bed is just as unappealing as the thought of doing it on a public toilet. None the less, Reid was all for it until the man threw up all over himself and started to cry. To make matters even worse he started to tell Reid all about his boyfriend at home, who he didn´t love and who just happened to have been blind and the lengths he had gone to try and get him a doctor. Reid, was still shocked that he didn´t leave the room immediately after watching Mr. What´s-his-name, upchucking his dinner and large amounts of alcohol all over the place and he didn´t catch onto what he was saying until he had told the blonde to shut up and get in bed, alone of course, and he was about to leave. The blind boyfriend sounded like too much of a coincidence and he didn´t have to search the room for too long until he found a business card belonging none other than Mr. Blackmail himself, Luciano Grimaldi.

Sadly, Mr. Blackmail had passed out when Reid finally found out who he was, so he decided to leave and tell Luciano exactly what he thought of him when he showed up the next day. Reid was surprised as the days passed and there was no sign of him, he was certain that he would show up and find some new way to get Reid into doing that surgery but weeks passed and he didn´t see or hear anything from him.

Until he showed up again, this time at Reid´s hospital, accompanied by another pretty hot guy, who one of the nurses explained was his father. For some reason Mr. Grimaldi told the nurse that he and Reid were friends and even if Reid were to deny it, he knew that his reputation was ruined. It certainly didn´t help that the blonde showed up every day after that with a cup of coffee and those longing looks. He had overheard some of the nurses talking about “the gorgeous blonde that somehow seemed to worship Doctor Oliver” and Reid had no idea what that meant.

Is this just another way to get Reid to do the surgery, which doesn´t seem realistic anymore, or does he want something else? Earlier today he seemed to be jealous and the kiss was incredible, something Reid would never admit to out loud. He can still feel the taste of the other man on his lips and he knows that he wants more. He usually doesn´t play games, but until he knows exactly what Mr. Grimaldi is after, he can and will play along.

 

In the fourteenth week, Reid still has problems sleeping and this time it´s not because of his dreams. He just can´t seem to get an annoying blonde out of his thoughts.


	8. Chapter 8

In the fourteenth week, Luke exits the coffee shop where he has bought Reid´s special caramel latte and a regular one for himself. It´s a few minutes after six in the morning and he is tired beyond belief after another night of almost no sleep at all. But according to Alison, Reid is having a surgery at 8 o´clock and Luke wants to be there before it begins. He is just about to head off to the hospital when he sees Reid. He walks a few steps towards him when he notices the guy standing next to him. He’s tall, blonde and absolutely gorgeous and when he leans forward to give Reid a kiss, Luke feels like someone just stabbed him. Hurt, pain and jealously radiates through his body and he can´t breathe. He can´t believe that this is actually happening. In all the scenarios of how he was supposed to win Reid back, there was never a boyfriend included.

He is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn´t notice Reid until he is standing next to him. He says something Luke can´t decipher and before he knows what´s happening, he slams Reid against the wall and demands to know if the blonde guy is his boyfriend. He is not surprised at all from Reid´s answer and he has no idea if he is being honest. He can´t believe that Reid actually slept with someone else. He tries to tell himself that he should have expected it and that Reid has no reason to be faithful to him but it hurts so much. Reid is his, and in an attempt to show him that, he kisses him hard on the mouth. When he realizes what he is doing, he pulls back and opens his mouth to say something, anything for Reid not to think of him as a complete idiot.

Before he can say anything Reid´s hand cups his cheek and Luke leans into the so familiar touch and closes his eyes. He has no idea who moves first but their lips meet again and this time it´s a lot softer and Luke raises his hand and tangles his fingers in the beautiful auburn curls. Luke´s heart is beating so fast and he can´t believe that this is happening and it´s like his whole body feels whole again after being broken for so long. Their tongues meet and Luke is grateful beyond belief that this is actually happening. Fourteen weeks ago he convinced and prepared himself to believe that he would never see Reid again, never touch him and definitely never kiss him and yet here he is, with Reid´s arm around his waist and their mouths pressed together. Nothing could be more amazing. And then Reid suddenly pulls away, checks his beeper, mumbles something about an emergency and walks off, leaving Luke standing with his mouth ajar, feeling completely and utterly alone.

 

Back in his hotel room he tries to comprehend what the hell had just happened. He´s filled with so many different emotions that he can´t concentrate. He´s filled with joy, happiness and sheer bliss from the fact that Reid kissed him. He actually kissed him. He can still feel the soft touch of his hand on his cheek and those firm lips against his own and that makes him happier then he has been in months. At the same time he´s so filled with jealousy and anger that he has to stop himself from running off to the hospital and demand that Reid breaks up with that other guy. Luke wants him to swear that it doesn´t mean anything and that he doesn´t feel anything at all for him.

But he can´t do that. Luke isn´t stupid and he knows that his attempt at dealing with Reid has gone from terrible to a complete disaster. He was supposed to win him back by delivering coffee and sandwiches and then, when Reid didn´t despise him anymore, he would ask him out again. And this morning he ruined everything by acting like some creepy stalker and if he were Reid he would get a restraining order. But then again, Reid did kiss him back which could mean…

His thoughts are interrupted as he hears his phone ringing and for some reason he thinks it´s Reid. He flips the phone open without checking the caller ID.

“Yes?” he says breathlessly.

“Darling, that is not a proper way to answer your phone.” Lucinda´s sharp voice seems to echo around the room.

“Grandmother. Hi.” Luke can´t hide the disappointment in his voice and he´s certain Lucinda can hear it as well.

“Don´t sound so happy to talk to me Luke.”

“I´m sorry, I just… I thought it was someone else.” He takes a deep breath and tries to focus on his Grandmother. “So, how is everybody?”

“Luke, we are waiting for you. When are you coming home?”

“I´m not… I have to stay here. I can´t leave him again, I thought you knew that? I´ll stay as long as I have to.”

“Darling, it´s Christmas Eve and everybody is waiting for you. I know this is important to you but so is Christmas. I expect you and your father to be here tonight.”

“It´s Christmas?” Luke is surprised that he hasn’t even remembered that it’s Christmas, and for a short second he feels a stab of guilt for actually forgetting about his family. But nothing really matters except Reid anyway. “I´m sorry, but I can´t just leave yet…”

“You can and will come home for a few days”, Lucinda interrupts him, “I won’t take no for an answer even if I have to come and get you myself. Anyway, Damian is out shopping Christmas presents for the children and I´ve sent my plane to come and get you, so be ready at the airport in an hour.” And with that Lucinda hangs up the phone.

Luke is set on refusing at first but when his father shows up, his hands full with shopping bags, full of gifts and says the same things Lucinda does, he eventually gives in and reluctantly goes home.

 

It feels good to see his family again and he spends a lot of time with his younger siblings, trying to make up for all the time he´s been away. He eats Emma´s food, he spends time with his parents and he tells Lucinda everything about the progress or lack of it, with Reid so far. He receives Christmas gifts, he watches Christmas movies, he eats Christmas candy and the entire time he wonders what Reid is doing, what he´s thinking and what his next move should be. He checks his phone all the time even though there is no reason for Reid to call him. Reid doesn´t even have his number but Luke checks his phone anyway.

Despite his family’s pleadings, he goes back to New York on the 26th. He feels like he has wasted two whole days and he needs to see Reid as soon as possible, he needs to know that this is real. The first thing he does when he arrives in New York is to call the hospital and luckily he gets to talk to Alison. She informs him that Reid is at there even though he´s not scheduled to work and as far as she knows he´s in his office doing whatever as the Chief of Staff he has to do. Luke is relieved to find this out, he thanks Alison and gathers his bags heading directly over to the hospital. Alison welcomes him and when she sees what he´s brought, she smiles and tells him to head over to Reid´s office. He knocks on the door but doesn´t wait for an answer before entering.

Reid is sitting in his office chair, feet’s propped up on the desk and papers scattered all around him. He´s wearing his usual scrubs and as always the sight of those makes Luke surprisingly hard. He can´t really pinpoint what´s so hot about scrubs, but every time he sees Reid dressed in them the only thing Luke can think about is how he wants to rip them off.

“Mr. Grimaldi, there is no way of escaping you is there?”

Luke opens his mouth to answer but when Reid looks up he sees that he is wearing glasses, and the sight astonishes him. He didn´t know Reid wore glasses and he wonders if his Reid wore them too. He realizes again, how little he actually knew about Reid and it still hurts. He won’t let that happen again, there will be no more ridiculous waiting around and he won`t waste precious time anymore.

“I like your glasses.”

Reid raises an eyebrow. “Well, I´m glad they have the Grimaldi approval.”His voice is sarcastic but Luke knows him and he can tell that Reid is not particularly annoyed at him being there.

“They make you look intelligent. And hot.”

“I am intelligent and hot”, Reid says with a smirk. He takes of his glasses and throws them on his desk. Luke would have liked if he had kept them on but seeing how he had behaved recently, now was probably not the best time to come with odd requests. Instead he clears his throat and meets Reid´s gaze.

“I wanted to apologize for how I acted the last time we met…and for the kiss.”

Reid shrugs. “A kiss is just a kiss, it´s not a big deal.”

Luke doesn´t really like that answer but he´s relieved that Reid doesn´t seem to be upset with him so he smiles. “Well, it won´t happen again, unless… you want it too?” He realizes that they are re-playing an actual conversation but somehow the roles are switched and he doesn´t have the courage to do what Reid did, even if his whole body aches to be close to Reid again.

Reid doesn´t answer, he just stares at Luke with his eyebrows raised and Luke decides to drop the subject.

“So, I was thinking, since you´re not busy saving lives we could do something.”

“Do something?” Reid rolls his eyes. “I´ve already told you, I´m not going out with you.”

“Oh, I know that. That´s why I brought this.” Luke gestures at the bags beside him.

“In case you didn´t know, this is a hospital not a shelter for homeless people. So unless you´re here to have a lobotomy done, you can´t really move in.”

Luke laughs. “It´s food, Doctor Oliver. My Grandmother´s homemade Christmas food. You do know it´s Christmas right?”

“I might have heard of it.” Reid says and smiles before concentrating on the important part. “You brought food?”

Luke nods and starts unpacking the turkey, honey ham, mashed potatoes, yams and sweet potatoes, rolls and green beans.

Reid looks like he is about to start drooling any second but he manages to turn his gaze away from all the delicious things and looks questioningly at Luke. “Why?”

“Oh, I figured you where working through Christmas and probably ate one of those hideous frozen meals and no one cooks as good as my Grandmother. So, are you going to eat it or just stare at it?”

Reid doesn´t need to be asked twice.

Luke finds it both amusing and comforting to watch Reid eat. They don´t talk very much since Reid is so busy eating but Luke tells him a bit about his family and Oakdale in general and Reid gives a few encouraging sounds to show that he is listening. When he´s finally done he leans back in his chair, closes his eyes and mumbles something.

“Did you say something?” Luke asks with a laugh.

“I have died and gone to heaven. Tell me, is your Grandmother single?”

“Reid! You can´t marry my Grandmother.” Although, you could marry me and we could eat there every day. “But I will tell her you loved her food.”

“So, now that you´ve bribed me with food, what are you expecting me to do for you?” 

Luke grabs one of his bags and pulls out a chess board. “Play with me?”

 

“How did you know I play chess?”

“Oh, I know a lot of things about you, Doctor Oliver,” Luke says teasingly and smiles.

Reid sighs and hits his palm against his forehead a few times. “Of course you do.”

“What do you mean?” Luke´s heart starts to beat a little faster from the ridiculous hope that he knows is pointless.

“Well, since you tried to blackmail me into doing that surgery, I figured you had probably done some research on me. Didn´t think they would care about whether I played chess or not. It´s not like you could challenge me into doing the surgery anyway.”

Luke closes his eyes in disappointment. Of course he doesn´t know anything about us. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly before opening his eyes again. “Yeah, right, the blackmail. So, black or white?” He gestures at the chess board.

“White.”

They play in silence for a few minutes until Reid clears his throat. “So, where is the blind boyfriend now?”

Luke looks up and meets Reid´s gaze, surprised that he asked. “We broke up, before he got his sight back.”

“So you went through all that trouble for nothing?”

“Oh, I wouldn´t say that.”

Reid looks at him questioningly and Luke sighs. “I fell in love with his doctor.”

Reid laughs. “So, let me get this straight. You´ve managed to blackmail some other doctor into coming and do the surgery on your blind boyfriend and then when he got his sight back, you got together with his doctor?”

Luke smiles. “Yeah, that´s pretty much what happened.”

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?”

“Yeah, I do, but it was totally worth it.”

“So, where is the brilliant doctor then?”

Luke´s smile falters and he looks down at the chess board. “He died.”


	9. Chapter 9

In the fifteenth week, Reid hates to admit that he is confused. He´s never confused about anything and he doesn’t like this new feeling. Life used to be pretty simple; he had his work, which he dedicated almost all his time to, he ate, he slept and every now and then he watched a game on TV or fucked a hot guy. It used to be easy and non-complicated, just the way he liked it.

But now, it felt like everything was different. He still had his work of course, nothing would change that and he still ate. But he couldn´t sleep and he had long ago passed the point where he could brush off the nightmares as something juvenile and meaningless. He can`t even remember the last time he managed to get five whole hours of uninterrupted sleep and he realizes that he has reached the point where he has to do something about it. And since there is no way in hell he will see some psychologist where he has to sit and talk about his depressing childhood or his eating habits he decides for the second most logical thing and that´s why he´s sitting in Susan Stanley´s office.

Doctor Stanley has worked for him for over five years and she`s a fairly good neurologist. To be honest she´s almost as good as he is, otherwise he wouldn´t have asked her to come and work at his clinic but there is no reason to tell her that.

“Doctor Oliver, you want me to do a MRI… on you?” Susan has her eyebrows raised and a disturbing look of concern on her face.

“That´s what I said.”

“May I ask why?” Reid would have preferred to not tell anyone about this disturbing weakness he has, but he can´t do this alone and if he has to tell someone then Susan is the most logical choice. Not only because he needs her to do the examinations but also because he kind of likes her. She´s never put off or taken aback by anything he says and she usually gives back just as good as she gets and he enjoys discussions with her.

Reid sighs and rubs his face with his left hand. “I can´t sleep. I keep having this dreams, or this one dream actually. And I need to know there´s nothing wrong with me.”

Susan stands up and walks over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder. He resists the urge to shrug it off and pretends that it isn´t there instead.

“What is the dream about?”

He shifts a little in his seat. “Does it matter? I just need you to examine me, I can go through the results myself.”

“I´m sure you can”, she mumbles before taking a harder grip on his shoulder. “Reid, tell me.”

“Fine! I have this really ridiculous dream where I´m dying and I wouldn´t particularly care if it wasn´t for the fact that I´m not getting enough sleep and it´s starting to affect my work.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“I don´t know, 2-3 months maybe.”

“2-3 months? And you haven´t done anything about it until now?”

“It wasn´t as bad at first. But as soon as I close my eyes it feels like I´m in that dream and…” He shrugs. “Are you going to do this for me or not?”

Susan walks over to her desk and picks up her calendar. “Tomorrow 2 o´clock?”

“It´s New Year’s Eve, I thought you had the day off?”

“So did I.” She tilts her head when he says it and her tone is sarcastic but he can still see the concern in her face. Reid wants to tell her they can do it some other day, but he can´t, because this is starting to freak him out and if he has a tumor or something else he wants to know about it now. “I´ll write you a prescription for sleeping pills. Use it.”

Reid frowns. “I don´t like taking pills.”

“And I don´t like working on my day off so I guess we both have to do things we don´t like.”

Reid stands up and walks over to the door but before he opens it he turns around and faces her. “Thank you Susan.”

 

Back in his office he debates whether or not he should take out some files and try to work, but decides that he probably can´t concentrate anyway and it´s his office and his hospital so there´s no need to pretend that he´s working. He can sit and stare at his lap top all day if he wants. He decides to check his e-mail and reaches out for his computer when he sees the brown paper bag standing beside it. He opens it and all thoughts of working are gone when he sees that is filled with cookies. Mr. Grimaldi has done it again. Every day since Christmas there have been cookies, coffee, sandwiches or candy waiting for him in his office. Sometimes the blonde is there and other times, like now, he has left whatever it is that he brought Reid with a note. I know you love cookies. XOXO /L. He smiles and puts the note in a locked drawer in his desk, where the others are.

It´s ridiculous really, or at least it should be with Mr. Grimaldi acting like some proper housewife from the mid fifties, but it terrifies Reid that he doesn´t find it as annoying as he should. It´s not only the fact that he gets served food and coffee all the time, he actually kind of appreciates the company. He leans back in his chair and flops his feet on the desk and starts munching on the cookies.

The last week has been interesting, to say the least. First Mr. Grimaldi is all over him about Dylan and slams him against a wall and kisses him, which Reid finds disturbingly hot. Then he stays away for almost two days and Reid hates to admit that he actually thought about him. A lot. And then he shows up loaded with food and apologizes and they end up spending a whole evening talking and playing chess. Reid can´t remember the last time he had such a good time outside of the OR. 

He still finds it hilarious that Mr. Grimaldi left the blind guy for the doctor he probably blackmailed to do the surgery. He doesn´t find it quite as hilarious that he actually found himself being jealous of the obvious love and worship in the blonde´s voice when he talked about the dead doctor. It´s not like he wants Mr. Grimaldi to feel that way about him, he just doesn´t want him to feel that about anyone else. He shakes his head and decides to not evaluate that thought for the time being.

He wants to ask more about that doctor but Mr. Grimaldi has made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk about it so they keep the rest of their conversation much lighter. He was kind of expecting that the blonde would try to kiss him before he left and he didn´t exactly mind but to his surprise he got a peck on his cheek and a hug. Reid doesn´t really do hugs and he just stood there with his arms hanging stiffly along his side before he lifted one and gave Mr. Grimaldi an awkward pat on the back, which the blonde seemed to find strangely amusing. Reid has to admit that he was a bit disappointed from the lack of kissing but when he thought about it he realized that Mr. Grimaldi probably was waiting on him to make the next move.

Anyway, Mr. Grimaldi, okay maybe it was time to call him Luke now, showed up the next morning with coffee and dimples and it was clear that at least he didn´t have any sleeping problems. He casually asked what Reid planned to do on New Year`s Eve and tried but failed miserably, to hide his disappointment when Reid said he was working. After that they haven´t really met, but every day there has been a coffee and something sweet on his desk with a note. One note contained Luke´s phone number and ´call me if you want some company for chess or dinner` and Reid wasn´t sure what he thought about that. Luke obviously wanted something from him and it annoyed him that he didn´t know what it was. It´s not like didn´t like spending time with him, he was kinda funny and he didn´t seem to be put off from anything Reid said, quite the opposite actually and it didn´t exactly hurt that he was ridiculously attractive either. Reid just didn´t like being confused.

His thoughts are interrupted when his phone announces that he has a new text message and he reaches down in his lab coat and pulls it out. It´s from Dylan.

Reid, I can make it to NY tmr if you´re free for dinner?

Reid stares at the message for almost two minutes before he takes deep breath and replies.

Sorry, I already have plans.

He hits the send button and opens one of the drawers in his desk and pulls out the notes Luke has left him. Without thinking it through he dials the number and wait for Luke to answer.

“Mr. Grimaldi. My shift ends at 9 PM tomorrow and I figured that since I have to eat anyway I might as well let you pay for it.”

He holds back a smile when he hears the amused voice on the other end. “Okay, should I pick you up at the hospital?”

“Yes. And I don´t want to go to some fancy place filled with rich people dressed in suits, I prefer something simple.”

“Okay, it´s a date then.”

Reid snorts. “It is most definitely not a date, you`re simply paying for my dinner. See you tomorrow.”

He hangs up before Luke gets a chance to answer and when he leans back in his chair again he can´t hold back the smile.

 

He gets a good night’s sleep thanks to the sleeping pills, and for the first time in months he can´t remember what he dreamt, which is a relief. The day goes by really quickly. He has a few consultations and follow-ups scheduled, and he really doesn´t care about New Year´s Eve. He sees Susan at 2 PM, and after that he has rounds and paperwork to do. He is so caught up in his work that he almost forgets to change into something other than his lab coat and a pair of jeans, but he remembers at the last minute and at the same moment he is done Luke knocks on his door. 

There is no point in denying it, Mr. Grimaldi is hot. He´s wearing a pair of slacks and a button-down shirt with the top buttons unbuttoned and Reid really likes that. He seems to have cut his hair because it´s a lot shorter then it was the week before and given how it looks he probably spent hours styling it. Reid doesn´t particularly mind though, it looks good and Luke is all dimples and smiles and Reid kind of likes that too.

Luke takes him to a small Italian restaurant that Reid has never been to even though it´s just a block away from both the hospital and his apartment. Luke has somehow managed to book a table even though the place is crowded, and Reid finds it pretty amusing to imagine Luke bribe or blackmail the owner to get a table in his Grimaldi-way. 

The restaurant is warm and cozy and decorated with streamers and weird confetti stuff, and everywhere Reid looks there are banners saying happy New Year. Instead of electric lights, the whole place is lit up from candles and there is a big one on the table they sit at which is shaped like a giant heart and it makes Reid more than a bit uncomfortable. It´s disgustingly romantic.

“This is not a date, you know that, right?” Reid blurts it out the minute they sit down, but the only reaction he gets from Luke is a raised eyebrow so he feels the need to continue. “I mean, it doesn´t matter how many sappy hearts there are on our table or anything, it´s not a date.”

“Whatever you say Reid.”

“No really, this isn´t a date. I never date and this is just supposed to be a dinner and I…” He trails off and doesn´t really know how to continue and make Luke understand when Luke puts his hand on his.

“Reid. I get it. It´s just a dinner that I´m paying for. Calm down.” Luke gives him a reassuring smile before he pulls his hand away and opens the menu. “What do you want to eat?”

Reid hates to admit that he actually misses the feeling of Luke´s hand on his, and since the thought makes him freak out a little, he opens his menu and scans through it. “I think I´ll have the lasagna.”

Luke lifts up his hand and makes a small wave and Reid is impressed to see a waiter rushing over to take their orders.

“He´ll have the lasagna and a beer and I would like pasta carbonara and a Coke. And some garlic bread for me.”

The waiter writes it down and is just about to leave when Reid stops him. “Well, make that two orders of garlic bread”

They sit in silence, but not a very un-comfortable one until their drinks and the garlic bread arrive. Reid, being his usual self, starts to stuff his mouth with the bread immediately.

Luke eats a lot slower and it looks like he´s having some kind of religious experience the way he devours the bread.

“I love garlic bread”, Luke says and puts another small piece in his mouth. “I have tried to do it at home but it just never tastes the same.”

Reid shrugs. “It´s okay, nothing special.” 

“Why did you order it if you don´t like it?”

“Well, if we are going to make out later I want to taste you, not the garlic. If we both eat it then it doesn´t matter.” He doesn´t really realize what he´s saying until he looks up and his gaze meets Luke´s. His eyes remind Reid of stars and it´s really disturbing to acknowledge that thought. He shakes his head to get rid of the sappiness, but it´s like Luke can tell what he´s thinking.

“So, you´re planning on making out with me?” Luke looks ridiculously happy and Reid doesn´t feel like ruining it by saying something rude, which has to be a first, so he just shrugs again. “Well, it´s New Years Eve. People are supposed to kiss at midnight, right?”

To his relief the waiter arrives with their food and Luke lets go of the subject. Instead they discuss the food, Reid´s work, Grimaldi shipping and they talk a lot about chess. Reid orders another beer and a Coke for Luke and even though he wants to ask why he doesn´t drink, he decides not to do it because Luke seems to be in such a good mood and he doesn´t want to ruin it. They both order ice-cream for dessert and it arrives on heart-shaped plates. It should annoy Reid, but somehow it doesn´t.

The evening rushes by, and before he knows what´s happening, people are opening champagne bottles and heading outside. The waiter arrives at their table with two glasses, champagne for him and sparkling cider for Luke, and he wonders if Luke has planned this. Before he can ask, Luke grabs his hand and drags him along outside, claiming that they have to watch the fireworks. It´s a bit cold outside and Reid wishes he had brought his jacket, but Luke puts his arm around his waist and Reid forgets about the cold. There are fireworks all over the sky and it´s beautiful and Reid wonders why he never paid any attention to it earlier.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!

All around them there are couples hugging, kissing and cheering and Reid turns towards Luke, who is smiling and shouting, and without thinking he puts his hand around his neck and pulls his smiling mouth against his own. Their teeth clash together at first, but that´s okay since Luke immediately wraps his arms around his waist and opens his mouth to accept Reid´s tongue. Luke´s hand wanders up and grabs hold of his hair, and a small part of him notices that that probably messes up his hairstyle but he really doesn´t care because it´s totally hot and then he doesn´t think or analyze anymore, he just feels. He tilts his head to get a better angle, and slides his tongue against Luke´s, which make Luke moan in a way that goes directly to Reid´s groin. He pushes himself slightly against Luke and isn´t disappointed when Luke´s other hand grabs his ass and pushes back.

He reluctantly breaks the kiss and pulls back to look at Luke, who makes a disappointed sound before opening his eyes. Their gazes meet and they stare at each other for a while before Reid leans in to kiss him again. It´s a lot softer than they have kissed before. The first time it was rushed and filled with lust, and the second time it was angry. This time it´s still filled with lust but there is no rush, and if Reid thought about it he would realize that it´s been a long time since he´s kissed anyone like this. He wants Luke more than he can remember wanting anyone before, and even though it scares him he´s so filled up with want and need that that he doesn´t really care. He pulls back a second time and cups Luke´s cheek and runs his thumb along the kiss-swollen lips.

“My place?” His voice is husky and strangely uncertain, because no matter how much Luke kisses him back, he´s not sure what the answer will be.

But Luke only nods and grabs his hand before walking back into the restaurant where he stops one of the waiters and hands him a bill that would probably pay for five more meals. But Luke can probably afford it and he seems just as uninterested as Reid is in waiting for the change. When they are back outside again, Reid leads him towards his apartment and he´s grateful that the restaurant is close enough so they can walk.

It takes a lot longer to reach his apartment then it should since they have to stop and kiss every now and then. So when they finally reach the building where Reid lives, he is more turned on than he can ever remember being before.

Thankfully, he lives on the first floor and when they are finally inside, Reid slams the door shut behind them and pushes Luke up against it. He connects their mouths again while working on the buttons on Luke`s shirt and once it´s unbuttoned, he pushes it off and finally feels skin against his fingers.

His mouth leaves Luke´s and he leaves a trace of wet kisses along his jaw line until he reaches Luke´s neck. He bites down at the pulse-point and the whimper it induces from Luke tells him he likes it. He sucks hard enough to leave a mark before he trails further down his chest. When he reaches a nipple he sucks it into his mouth and lets his hand play with the other. He bites and licks on the hard nub until Luke is shaking and panting in front of him and then he switches to the other and gives that the same treatment.

His hands wanders down to Luke´s belt buckle and first he tries to open it with one hand while the other palms Luke hard erection through the soft fabric of his slacks but the buckle seems to be just as complicated as entering Fort Knox and he loses his concentration on Luke´s body with the time it takes to open the stupid thing. And when he finally manages to unlock it, he can´t hold back a satisfied ´Ha!`. Luke laughs but it quickly turns into a moan when Reid unzips his slacks and wraps his mouth around his cock.

Luke´s hands are in his hair and he makes the most arousing sounds while Reid swirls his tongue around his cock. He wraps his right hand around the base and jerks it slowly while he sucks on the tip and when his other hand takes a firm grip on Luke´s balls, Luke moans his name. He continues what he´s doing, loving the taste of Luke in his mouth, and when he relaxes his throat so he can take Luke all the way in and swallows around him, Luke grabs his hair so hard it almost hurts. That only turns him on more and he´s just about to release Luke and move up to kiss him when Luke makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat and before Reid knows what´s happening, Luke is coming in his mouth.

It´s not that he minds, he´s just surprised, and he keeps Luke´s cock in his mouth and swallows everything until Luke is done. Luke is shaking and Reid stands up to hold him, but when he leans in for a kiss, Luke turns his head away and hides it behind his hands.

“I´m so sorry, I can´t believe I did that. It´s just… I haven´t done this for a long time and you´re really amazing at it and I…”

Reid bites down hard on his lip to not laugh because Luke seems to be really ashamed and he would probably not appreciate it if Reid laughs at him. Instead he cups Luke´s chin between his thumb and index finger and turns his blushing face against his own. “Hey, it´s okay. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I´m just that good.” That makes Luke smile and Reid leans in and gives him a soft kiss. He pulls back and rests his forehead against Luke´s. “Want to continue this in the bedroom?”


	10. Chapter 10

In the fifteenth week Luke feels like he is dreaming. He can´t believe that this is really happening. All those weeks without Reid were so sad and empty and wrong, and he wasn´t able to cope at all. And now, now he has gotten a second chance to fix all that went wrong, and he´s not going to waste it.

It´s funny how surreal it feels to finally be able to kiss Reid again. Luke can´t get enough of his mouth and the walk back to Reid´s place probably takes forever, since they have to stop and kiss every tenth step or so. When they finally enter Reid´s apartment, Reid slams him against the door and starts to unbutton his shirt. Before he even knows what´s happening, Reid´s mouth is on his nipple and every lick and bite goes directly down to his groin. He forgets to breath and is pleasantly surprised to find out that such a simple thing feels so good and feels so arousing.

Reid seems to have a problem with opening his belt buckle and Luke is just about to help him when Reid utters a triumphant, “Ha!” which makes Luke laugh. His laugh quickly turns into a moan when Reid wraps his lips around his erection and sucks hard. The feeling is unbelievable. Noah wasn´t very interested in sex and he didn´t enjoy sucking Luke off at all. Their sex-life mostly consisted of hand jobs, Luke giving blow jobs and a few times Noah actually agreed to fuck him.

When Luke started dating Reid he was certain that having sex with Reid would be very different from sex with Noah. Before that thing with the train, he spent hours fantasizing about how it would be to finally do it with Reid. He kind of figured that Reid would be much more experienced than him, well which gay guy over 20 wouldn´t? And it scared him more then he liked to admit. What if Reid thought he was really bad or he did something wrong? 

He can´t concentrate on those thoughts anymore because Reid does something with his tongue and before Luke can pull back or even warn Reid, he´s coming harder than he can ever remember. The orgasm floods through his body and his legs starts to shake and he would not have been able to stand up anymore if it wasn´t for Reid holding him up. This is beyond embarrassing. He probably lasted less than a minute and Reid is definitely used to more experienced guys. It´s just that he´s been waiting for this to happen almost from the first time he met Reid and then he thought he had lost all his chances. But it turns out, that in some magical way, he hasn´t and now he has no idea how to explain…

Reid leans in to kiss him again but Luke can see the amused look on his face and he turns his head away in shame. “I´m so sorry, I can´t believe I did that. It´s just… I haven´t done this for a long time and you´re really amazing at it and I…”

Reid is clearly holding back a laugh, and Luke loves him even more for doing it. But he cups his cheek in that familiar way that is so Reid. “Hey, it´s okay. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I´m just that good.”

That makes Luke smile and feel a little better about it and this time when Reid leans in for a kiss, Luke kisses him back.

Reid pulls back and rests his forehead against Luke´s. “Want to continue this in the bedroom?” 

Luke thinks that is probably one of the easiest questions anyone has ever asked him. Like Reid would say, it´s a no-brainer. “Do you really need to ask?”

Reid smirks and pulls Luke in for another brain melting kiss while he pulls up Luke´s pants, leaving them unzipped. He breaks the kiss and grabs Luke´s hand and walk towards what Luke presumes is the bedroom. It´s funny, because before the train, which ruined everything. Luke always thought that when he and Reid finally did have sex, they would be all over each other, leaving a trail of clothes from the front door to the bed, that’s even if they managed to get that far. Reid teased him about wanting soft music, candlelight and rose petals spread on the bed, but to be honest that´s wasn’t really Luke´s style. Every time they kissed, no matter how soft and innocent it started out, it quickly turned into a heated make-out session, always leaving Luke wanting more. He loved that Reid could make him feel so wanted and sexy because Noah never induced the same feelings within him.

Reid still makes him feel wanted and sexy and kissing Reid is better than anything, even without a trail of clothes on their way to the bedroom.

When they reach the bed, Luke is starts to feel really, really nervous and he chews on his bottom lip, he has no idea where to look. It´s not that he doesn´t want to do this, god no, there is nothing he wants more. But seeing how long he lasted just from Reid´s mouth on him and how inexperienced he is, he´s scared that Reid would think he´s really crap in bed. Reid seems to sense his hesitation because he pulls Luke in for another brain melting kiss. When Luke relaxes, he pulls back and runs his thumb along Luke`s lips. “We can take this really slow if you want?” 

“Reid, I´m really sorry. It´s just that it´s been a really long time since I´ve done this. But I want you, I want you so much.”

Reid rolls his eyes before leaning in, giving Luke another soft kiss. “Stop apologizing.” Luke takes a hold of his neck and runs his tongue along the seam of Reid´s lips when Reid suddenly pulls back. His gaze meets Luke and he smirks. “How long?”

Luke smacks Reid´s arm but he smiles when he does it and decides to be honest.“September last year.”

“Jesus Christ, Luke. I thought you had a boyfriend. And you said you dated that doctor?”

It´s funny how weird it feels to hear Reid talk about himself without knowing it´s him and also how much it still hurts that he lost him, when he´s standing right in front of him. “I did, we just never…did it.” Luke takes a shaky breath and tries to come up with something else to say to change the subject when it hits him. “Hey, you just called me Luke.”

Reid snorts softly. “Well, seeing as though I just had your dick in my mouth, I thought we could skip the titles.”

Luke laughs and pushes Reid who somehow loses his balance and falls backwards onto the bed. Since his arms are around Luke´s waist he takes him with him and Luke lands on top of him. Their eyes meet and suddenly, Luke doesn´t feel like laughing anymore. He attacks Reid´s mouth with his own and roughly pushes in his tongue whilst his fingers work on the buttons of Reid´s shirt. He wants to just rip it open like in the movies, and he thinks that it would be pretty hot. But Casey had told him that it´s much harder than one might think plus, Reid is wearing a really nice shirt and Luke´s not sure that he would appreciate if he ruined it.

He unbuttons Reid’s shirt eventually, even if his fingers are more clumsy than usual and he finally, finally feels the soft and warm skin under his fingers. Reid´s body is beautiful beyond belief, especially considering the amount of junk food he eats. It´s well toned and muscular and Luke feels a sudden urge to lick and taste every inch of it. He reluctantly leaves Reid´s mouth and leaves a trail of wet open-mouthed kisses along Reid´s neck and chest until he reaches his nipple. He sucks it in between his lips and bites down a little bit too hard. But the moan it elicits from Reid tells him that he really doesn´t mind. He soothes it with his tongue before biting down again and continues until it´s hard and swollen. The sounds Reid is making go directly to Luke´s groin and to his surprise he feels himself harden again. He continues to kiss and lick his way down Reid´s stomach and swirls his tongue in his belly button before sitting up a bit so he can reach the button on Reid´s pants.

“I thought you wanted to take this slow?”

Reid´s voice is a combination of amusement and pure sex and if Luke wasn´t turned on already that would have done it.

“Screw taking things slow, you have no idea how much I want this.”

Reid laughs and obligates when Luke pulls his pants and boxers off. He quickly stands up to remove his own before diving back onto Reid again. 

“So, how do you want to do this?”

“What?”

Reid leans in a traces Luke´s jaw line with the tip of his tongue. “Well, do you have a certain preference?”

Ridiculously enough, Luke can feel himself blush but he´s not really used to talking about sex or what he wants. He really, really wants to know how it feels to be inside Reid. But seeing as though the mere thought of that almost makes him come again and the fact that he´s never done it before, it´s maybe not such a good idea to do that tonight. He doesn´t want to disappoint Reid. 

Realizing that Reid is awaiting an answer, he tries to collect his thoughts and put them into coherent sentences. “Well, not really…I mean, I’ve never actually been on top before so I don´t know what that´s like.”

Reid raises his eyebrows and at first it looks like he´s going to ask something, but for some reason he changes his mind. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to do something about that then.” He leans in to capture Luke´s lips but Luke puts a hand on his chest to stop him.

“But I really, really want to feel you inside of me tonight, I can´t think of anything else.”

He runs his index finger along Reid´s chest, over his toned stomach and wraps his hand around the rather impressive erection and he briefly wonders if it will actually fit inside him. He quickly forgets about that when Reid spins them around so Luke is lying down on his back and Reid straddles him. He takes hold of Luke´s cock and starts jerking it slowly while he reaches over to the bedside table with his other hand and pulls out condoms and a bottle of lube, dropping it next to them.

Luke raises himself up a bit so he can capture Reid´s mouth in another kiss and when Reid complies, he sucks his tongue into his mouth. It´s both soft and rough and it´s much better than anything Luke has ever imagined. And he’d thought about it a lot. Reid suddenly breaks the kiss, grabs the lube and coats his fingers thoroughly. He starts to kiss his way down Luke´s chest again and Luke tangles his fingers in the short auburn curls.

“Spread your legs a bit.”

Luke obeys and Reid moves in so that he can sit between them and takes Luke in his mouth again. Luke´s breath hitches and when he feels Reid´s finger tease along his hole he´s afraid he won´t last much longer. It burns at first, but Reid takes it really slow allowing him to adjust. He adds a second finger and then a third in the same slow tempo and Luke starts to push himself down to meet his fingers to try and get them further in.

“Reid, please, I want you now…” Luke doesn´t recognize his own voice, it´s filled with want and need and all he can think about is how much he wants Reid inside of him now.

Reid pulls his fingers out and even though Luke knows they soon will be replaced by something much better, he whimpers at the loss. He watches while Reid quickly unwraps the condom and pulls it on, coating it with the remaining lube on his fingers. He hooks both his arms under Luke´s knees and starts to push slowly into him. It hurts more than Luke expected and he inhales sharply. Reid immediately stops, and leans in to kiss him.

“Relax Luke, I promise I will take it really slow.”

They continue to kiss until Luke feels himself relax and Reid is able to slide all the way in. It´s all Luke ever wanted and more than he ever expected. Reid seems to wait for him to say something so that he can start moving. But even thought it still burns slightly, the feeling of pleasure is starting to take over and so Luke raises his hips a bit to show it´s okay.

Reid starts to move in short slow thrusts and when he finally hits the spot, Luke shouts out and grabs a hold of his ass to urge him to go faster.

“God, you´re so tight Luke, do you have any idea how good you feel?”

Luke isn´t able to form a single coherent sentence, so he wraps his legs around Reid´s waist in an attempt to get him in deeper and entwines his fingers with Reid`s.

It´s fast and hard, but at the same time surprisingly gentle. Reid is constantly kissing him, sucking on his neck or earlobe. When he takes hold of Luke´s cock, it only takes three jerks before Luke comes all over his own and Reid´s stomach. He cries out Reid´s name and digs his fingernails into Reid´s back, probably hard enough to leave marks.

Reid sits back, grabs a hold of Luke´s hips and while Luke is shaking and panting and riding out his orgasm, he thrusts into him hard a few times until he also finds his release.

He pulls out and disposes the condom somewhere, Luke isn´t really paying attention, and wipes of Luke´s and his own chest with the sheet before collapsing into Luke´s arms. Their lips meet again and they kiss slowly while Reid is running his fingers in his hair. Luke feels more content and loved than he ever has before and he´s so happy that they finally got to do this.

“Oh god Reid, I love you, I love you so much!”

Luke doesn´t even think about what he’s saying because it feels so natural and so true to say those things to Reid.

“I can´t believe I asked you to wait before we did this, I was such an idiot.”

He wraps his arms around Reid and plants soft kisses on his neck. “You have no idea how glad I am to have you back.” He raises himself up so he can pull Reid in for a kiss when he notices how stiff the other man´s body is. When he tries to connect their lips, Reid turns away, “Reid, what´s wrong?”

"There has to be something seriously wrong with you if you feel obligated to even ask me that after what you just said."

Reid´s voice becomes cold and distant. It’s the tone that he has whenever he is hurt or if he doesn’t want to talk about a certain things.

“What do you mean?”

Reid rolls off of him, sits down on the edge of the bed and starts putting his clothes back on. “What I mean?” He gives a sarcastic laugh and stands up to pull on his pants. Luke is starting to feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable in his naked state and starts to search for his own clothes. “Who do you think I am? Do you seriously think you can replace one doctor with another or something?”

Luke finally finds his boxers and his shirt, but his pants seem to have gotten lost somewhere. 

“I have no idea what you´re talking about Reid. I love you, I don´t want anyone else.” He tries to reach for Reid but the other man pulls back as if his hand is burning him.

“Can you please stop saying that fucking word?” He reaches down and pulls out Luke´s pants from under the bed and throws them at him.

“Get dressed and get the fuck out of here.”

At last Luke understands what Reid means and why he might be freaking out. As far as this Reid knows, they’ve never been together and Reid’s never said that he loved Luke. And yet Luke goes on and on as if they have known each other for a long time, as if they’ve talked about sex and love and relationships. 

The whole situation is messed up and he doesn´t know how to fix it. He zips up his pants and takes a few tentative steps towards the other man. “Reid, please, I don´t know why I said that. Can´t we just forget about it and go back to bed?”

“Yeah, I don´t think so. You know, I don´t really care who you think I am anymore, you got what you wanted and so did I.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that we both wanted to get laid, and now we have. Pack up your shit and leave.”

Luke feels tears starting to burn in his eyes and he tries hard to hold them back. “Reid, I…please…”

“Seriously Mr. Grimaldi, I don´t want you here so just leave.”

Reid raises his voice slightly and he has his Doctor Oliver mask and Luke realizes that there is no point in trying to change his mind. When Reid has his mind set on something you just can´t change it. Besides, Luke is filled with so many emotions right now that whatever he would try to say would probably only ruin things even more. So with one last pleading look which Reid ignores, he walks up to the front door and leaves Reid´s apartment. 

He starts to walk towards his hotel but realizes that he doesn´t really know where he is. Luckily he manages to get a cab and when he finally reaches his hotel room he breaks down and cries. He replays the conversation in his head, wishing it would have taken another turn and wondering what he could have done differently. If he just hadn´t said that he loved him and that thing about waiting, he would still be with Reid, in his bed.

Why can´t he ever just shut up? He walks up to the mini bar and doesn´t know if he´s relieved or upset that there is no alcohol. He could just order from room service but instead, he pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts before finding the right one and presses dial. Even though it´s in the middle of the night, the person on the other end answers after the first ring. 

“Luciano? Are you alright?”

“Damian, I’ve messed things up badly.” He tries to calm his breathing and rubs his hand over his eyes.

“I don´t know what to do and I…”

“I´ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

In the fifteenth week Luke sits on the floor with his arms wrapped around his legs wondering how something so good and amazing could have gone so wrong. He can still smell Reid´s scent on him and the thought of what he has done makes his heart break.


	11. Chapter 11

In the seventeenth week Reid Oliver is counting. Not that he ever would admit to doing such a ridiculous thing to anyone, but the truth is that he counts the weeks since he had amazingly hot sex with Mr. Grimaldi before throwing him out and it´s been exactly two long weeks. He has successfully managed to avoid Luke ever since, and that has been quite the achievement seeing how determined the other man has been in trying to get Reid to talk about what happened. Reid isn´t very interested in talking about anything with Luke and he learned a long time ago that whenever someone said, “Reid, we need to talk”, that was his cue to leave. Nothing good ever came out of that sentence.

The most disturbing thing about it all isn´t that he is angry or annoyed with Luke, because he really isn’t, in fact he is impressed by the kid, all that smooth talking and longing looks and really hard work to get Reid where he wanted. No, what disturbs him the most is that he actually fell for it. He really should have known better, after all he´s a genius.

After the blackmail, the almost sex at the hotel and the stalking, anyone could have told him that there was something seriously wrong with Mr. Grimaldi, but he didn´t get it. He should have told Mr. Grimaldi to get the fuck out of his life but he didn´t. Instead he invited him out on a non-date on New Year´s fucking Eve and then took him home and fucked him. He actually wished he could blame it all on his dick, as if his dick was the one taking charge and demanding to get to know more of Luke, pun intended. But Reid was many things and dishonest was not one of them.

The truth is that he had wanted to get to know Luke, and not only in the biblical way, he really wanted to be with him and that whole non-date had been… great. Okay, so maybe it had been more than great but what difference did it make now anyway? Having anything to do with Mr. Grimaldi meant headaches and trouble and Reid Oliver didn´t do that.

The sound of his phone snapped him out of his thoughts and he didn´t need to look at it to know who it was that had called him. Luke just didn´t know how to give up. Reid let the call go to voicemail and wasn´t surprised when his phone announced that he had one new message a minute later. He knows he should delete it immediately but he just couldn´t not listen to it first.

“Reid. It´s me. Again. I don´t even know if you´re listening to any of my messages and I know I should stop calling you since it probably makes me look even more of a stalker in your eyes. And I know that you don´t want to talk to me but I´m not going to give up. If you just would let me explain. You don´t have to say anything, just listen to me, and I don´t want to talk to your voicemail, no matter how hot your “you have reached Doctor Reid Oliver, leave a message” sounds. Reid, please call me.” 

Well, at least he didn´t say the L-word this time.

 

The cafeteria in the clinic serves all kinds of excellent food and offers a wide range of different sandwiches. When Reid decided he was going to open his own clinic, the cafeteria was one of the things he knew right from the beginning how he wanted it to be. He had eaten too many unappealing meals in hospital cafeterias in his life to ever endure that again on a regular basis. He´s in the middle of devouring a remarkable outstanding sandwich when someone sits down opposite him. He looks up with his best Doctor Oliver-stare on but when he sees that it´s Susan, his gaze softens and he goes back to concentrating on his sandwich. That look never worked on her anyway.

“Reid, what a surprise to find you here, eating another one of those artery-clogging sandwiches. You do know they are going to kill you eventually right?”

“Well, I can think of worse ways to die”, he answers, mouth full of food. He doesn´t smile though because his mind wanders off to that annoying dream and a fate much worse than death from sandwiches.

As usual, Susan seems to be able to read his mind. “Still dreaming?” She asks, not succeeding in hiding the concern in her voice. Reid doesn´t like the feeling of anyone worrying about him, not even Susan.

“I´m always dreaming”, he answers and takes another large bite of his sandwich, “just never about you.”

“Oh Reid, you´re breaking my heart.” She puts her hands on her chest in a dramatic gesture which makes the corners of his mouth twitch slightly.

“I didn´t know you actually had one.”

Susan laughs and slaps him on the arm before her face grows serious again. “Seriously though Reid, do you get enough sleep? And don´t give me any crap.”

Reid sighs and takes the last bite of the sandwich. “Well, thanks to those magic pills you gave me, I get enough sleep to function.”

“Reid,” she reaches out for his hand and he reluctantly lets her take it. “You have to do something about this. Now that we know that nothing is wrong with that brilliant brain of yours, you have to see someone else.”

“You mean like a psychiatrist?” Reid can´t help the disgusted look on his face.

“There is nothing wrong with getting some help! You´re a doctor Reid, you of all people should know that.” Her voice is sharp and Reid quietly admits that she does have a point but there is no way he would ever go to some cracked up wannabe-doctor and lay on the couch and talk about feelings. Susan doesn´t need to know that though.

“Fine, I´ll go see someone. Now can you release my hand before we have the whole staff gossiping about how you converted the gay man?”

Susan laughs and let go of his hand. “Speaking of gay man, I hear that you have told the nurses to not let in or accept any calls from that gorgeous blonde anymore. Care to explain why?”

“Not really”, he answers with a groan, debating whether or not it was possible to fire his entire staff for gossiping. But he probably couldn´t run this place all alone and besides, he had handpicked every single doctor and nurse who worked for him because they where the best in their field and he didn´t want to replace them with averages.

“Common Reid. I tell you everything about my love life.”

Reid snorts. “Oh please, you´re married with two kids. The odds that you even have a love life is close to zero.” That remark gained him another slap on the arm but Susan is clearly not giving up.

“Seriously Reid, he came here every day for two weeks delivering coffee and always looked so sad when you weren´t available. Alison even told me that you almost smiled when you saw him. And you had dinner together.”

“Christ, isn´t anything private anymore? How the hell do you know what I did on New Year´s Eve anyway?”

“You celebrated New Year’s with him? I meant the dinner in your office!” Before Reid can say anything Susan claps her hands excitingly, as if she is a 14 year old girl after all. “Wait a minute! Oh my God! You asked him out on a date!”

“It wasn´t a date!” Reid tries to interrupt, but Susan doesn´t really care.

“You asked him out on a date and then you slept with him and then what? And what about what´s-his-name, D-something?”

“I´m not having this conversation with you Susan.” 

Susan leans back in her chair and looks far too satisfied for her own good which makes Reid annoyed. “What?”

She shakes her head and smiles impossibly wider. “I never thought I would see the day that Reid Oliver would actually fall in love with someone.”

Okay so this is enough, clearly Susan is just as crazy as Luke. “I´m not in… that with anyone. And definitely not with a lunatic.” Susan just continues smiling and Reid stands up and takes his tray. “I have a surgery to attend to.” And with that he walks off.

“Good luck Reid!” She shouts it after him and he doesn´t really want to know what she means with that.

 

It´s almost 9 PM and Reid is tired beyond belief when he finally pulls off his scrubs. The surgery had been a success and he was optimistic about the future for his patient. He debated whether he should take a shower here but decided against it. He wanted a beer, a shower and his bed, in that order. He grabbed his jacket and nodded goodbye to one of the nurses and walked out of the clinic. The cold air hit him and he stopped momentarily and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the chilly wind running through his hair. Sometimes he forgot how good it felt to just do nothing, being so caught up in his work the last months that he hadn´t taken enough time being outside or going for a run. He decided to change that, starting the next day. Now he wanted that beer.

“Doctor Oliver, I would like to have a word with you?” Reid reluctantly opens his eyes and his gaze lands on the tall and attractive man stepping out from the shadows beside the parking lot. He immediately recognizes him as none other than the father of a certain Luciano Grimaldi. He briefly entertains the idea of either closing his eyes again in hopes that the man in front of him is just a figure of his imagination or getting back into the clinic as fast as he can and locking the door. None of those ideas seems to be very mature though.

“Mr. Grimaldi senior, I presume?” He asks instead with his trademark smirk, but it´s not really a question.

“I wasn´t sure you would remember me, seeing how we weren´t properly introduced before. I´m pleased to see that you do.” Luke´s father spoke in a low pleasant voice with a small accent Reid couldn´t place. Italian maybe? Well, it didn´t really matter.

“Don´t flatter yourself, I have a photographic memory. Sometimes it´s a gift, other times”, Reid raised an eyebrow as if to point out that other times obviously meant now, “it´s a curse.”

Sadly, insults seemed to work just as poorly on Luke´s father as it did on Luke himself since the man just smiled and took a few steps towards Reid with his hand stretched out.

“I´m Damian Grimaldi. It´s nice to finally meet you Doctor Oliver, or may I call you Reid?”

Reid ignores the outstretched hand. “Not if you expect me to answer.”

Damian just smiles and lowers his hand as if he expects Reid not to take it. “I can see that my son was right about you.”

Reid knows that he shouldn´t be interested, he shouldn´t want to know what that means and he should definitely not ask what Luke has told his father about him. What he should do is walk past the other man. He should go home, drink the goddamn beer, take a shower and one of those ridiculous sleeping pills he needs and get in bed.

“What do you mean by that? He asks and hates himself a little bit when he sees the smile grow even wider on the other man’s face.

“Well, he said that your bedside manner wasn´t very impressive and I have to agree with him. I´m not sure why he finds it so fascinating though.” Damian takes a few steps closer and stares at Reid, as if that would make him see what it is that Luke finds so attractive. It makes Reid feel like a lab rat or as if he is seventeen years old again and Damian wants to know what his intentions towards his son are. It´s not a very comfortable feeling.

Reid snorts and forces himself to not take a step back. “What do you want Mr. Grimaldi?”

“I want to talk to you about my son.”

Reid rolls his eyes. Oh god, he really wants to know what his intentions are. “This is ridiculous.”

Damian raises an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

“Seriously, how old is your son? 20-22?”

“He´s 23 actually,” Damian interrupts and Reid can tell that Damian somehow thinks he should know that. Fuck that and fuck Grimaldi senior.

“Well, 23 then. Isn´t he a bit too old to send his daddy telling me whatever it is that he wants to say?”

“Luciano didn´t send me, Doctor Oliver. In fact, he would probably not approve of our little meeting here if he knew about it.” Grimaldi senior leans slightly forward and lowers his voice which makes it sound like he and Reid are having an affair behind junior´s back. The thought of it isn’t all that unappealing but no matter how attractive both Grimaldi men are, Reid just isn’t interested in having anything more to do with either of them. So he decides that a more drastic approach might get the other man to back off.

“Look, so I fucked your son, I fail to see why that´s any of your business?”

“Everything that concerns Luciano is my business, Doctor Oliver. That includes who he chooses to go to bed with if it makes him as miserable as he is now.”

The last sentence strings on a small feeling of guilt inside Reid but he pushes it away and opens his mouth to say something but Damian holds up a hand to stop him.

“Let me ask you a question Doctor Oliver. Do you have feelings for my son?”

Reid can´t help but laugh. This was worse than he thought; both father and son seemed to be idiots. “This is unbelievable, I´m not going to answer that.”

That only made the other man smile. “That´s what I thought.” He reached forward and patted Reid on the arm. ”Now, this is what you are going to do. The next time my son calls you, you are going to pick up your phone and answer and you will agree to see him and listen to what he has to say.”

“Do you really think you can tell me what to do?” Reid suddenly didn´t find this little meeting funny anymore. There was something about Luke´s father that made him very uncomfortable.

“Oh, I know I can Doctor Oliver. I would be very careful if I were you.”

“Are you threatening me? Because your son has already tried that technique once and he wasn’t very good at it.”

That only made the other man laugh. “Don’t worry, I´m much better than my son when it comes to that. Just think about what I said.” And with that he turned around and left just as quietly as he arrived, leaving Reid feeling dumbstruck and very, very annoyed.

 

In the seventeenth week Reid still wants that beer. But there is something else he has to do first. He has to tell a certain Luciano Grimaldi exactly what he thinks about his and his father´s blackmailing attempts.


	12. Chapter 12

In the sixteenth week, Luke finally realizes that Reid is dead. Because no matter what has happened, no matter how many worlds he gets thrown into, Reid is still dead. You can´t change facts and the facts are that Reid Oliver died in Memorial Hospital in Oakdale, Illinois, September 7th 2010. Luke has to learn to accept that. It´s heartbreaking and it hurts and it´s definitely not fair, but sometimes life just isn´t fair.

Luke spends two days curled up in bed crying and remembering Reid and he talks to Damian about how much he misses him and how much he loves him and how he wishes he could turn back time and change what happened. He should have gone with Reid to Bay City. He should have demanded that the doctors to do anything and everything to try and save Reid. There are so many regrets and so many things he wished he´d done differently, but he doesn´t regret forcing Reid to come to Oakdale anymore. In the short time they had together, and it was way too short, Luke was happier than he had been in a long time. Reid made him feel wanted, important and loved, and he could never regret that.

And even though his Reid is dead, Luke has been given a wonderful gift. He has been given the opportunity to get to know and fall in love with another Reid. A Reid who is so similar to the one he loved and lost that they are almost the same. Almost.

Luke finally understands that he can´t replace one man with another and he knows that he has to tell Reid everything about his Reid. How he came here and that he wants Reid for the person he is, not because he is a copy of the one he lost.

He tries to call Reid but all his calls go straight to voicemail. He sends way too many texts but he never receives an answer. He finally picks up the courage to go over to the hospital only to find out that Reid has banned him from the clinic, unless he is brought there by an ambulance suffering from a serious head injury or if he has decided to have a lobotomy done. He´s not sure if he should take that as a good sign and to go to those lengths to see him again seems a little too drastic even for him. So he goes back to the hotel and continues to call him. 

In the seventeenth week Luke is lying on the sofa, wearing his pajama pants and an old sweater, feeling just as miserable as he looks. He had been staring up at the ceiling for the last two hours and by now he knew every crack and color change in the paintwork just as well as he knew Reid´s face. He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his left hand, contemplating if he should go to bed or not. It was still early and Damian was out somewhere but what´s the point staying up waiting for a call that will never come?

A loud knock on the door scared him more then he liked to admit. Who knocks on a hotel door? He was sure it wasn´t Damian, seeing as though his father never forgot anything, let alone the card key to the room, and he hadn´t ordered any room service either. Eating just wasn´t an option, it reminded him too much of Reid. He decided that whoever it was, wasn´t there to see him anyway so he stayed exactly where he was, on the sofa, phone clasped in his hand, counting the cracks in the ceiling once again. But then there was another loud knock on the door and a voice he would recognize anywhere.

“Open up this fucking door Mr. Grimaldi. You have wanted to talk to me for two weeks and now I have something to say to you.”

Luke jumped off the couch and rushed over to the door. It was Reid. Reid. Reid. His hand was on the handle and he opened the door without even thinking. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Reid brushed past him, looking as angry as if someone had robbed him of his lunch.

“Reid, I was just…,” Suddenly he had no idea how to continue that sentence. Because Reid was finally here and it was all Luke wanted, all he had hoped for and now he didn´t know what to say. He didn´t need to worry too much about that though, since Reid cut him off before he could say anything.

“What´s wrong with you?” Reid paced back and forth in the hotel room. “Never mind, don´t answer that.” He suddenly stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just…I can´t believe you´d send your Dad to talk to me! How old are you?”

“I´m 23 and I…”

“For god´s sake, it was a rhetorical question. I know how old you are.”

“You do?”

Reid waves his hand dismissingly. “It doesn´t matter. I came here to tell you to back off and go back to that village of the damned you told me you lived in. I want nothing to do with you or your father.” He started pacing back and forth again. “Why are you even here? Why did you come to New York in the first place?”

Luke takes a deep breath and decides to be honest. There’s no going back now and he knows that this is his last chance. “I came here for you.”

Reid shakes his head. “That´s what I mean, there is something seriously wrong with you. You don´t even know me, and yet here you are, acting as if you do. And the things you said last time, that´s just… wrong.”

Luke takes a few steps towards Reid and reaches out for him but Reid backs away and his hand falls down without getting to touch him. “If you would just let me explain.”

“I´ve had enough of you and your father for a lifetime. Get the fuck out of my life.” Reid starts to walk towards the door when Luke grabs his arm and spins him around.

“You´re not walking out of here without even listening to me!”

“There is nothing you could say that I would be even remotely interested in to hear.”

“I want you to sit down and listen to what I have to say, you owe me that much.” Luke´s voice is firm and he feels anger rushing through his body. After all those weeks of nothing but sadness, it feels good to be upset.

Reid laughs sarcastically. “I don´t owe you anything.”

“You have no idea what I´ve been through these last few months. The things I´ve…” Luke stops and shakes his head, knowing full well that this is not the right approach. “Let´s make a deal. You sit down and listen to what I have to say and if you still don´t want anything to do with me after that, I promise I will leave you alone. “

Reid raises an eyebrow. “No more stalking or turning up uninvited and no more sending Dad on me?”

“Nothing. You´ll never see me again.” It hurts to say it, even though he has to believe that Reid will believe him and want to see him again, but if he doesn´t Luke has to keep his word. He can´t force Reid to want him back, so if Reid decides he doesn´t want to see him anymore, Luke will keep his promise. He just wants what´s best for Reid.

“Okay, it´s a deal.” Reid walks over to the couch and sits down. “So, talk.”

Luke takes a deep breath and decides to continue to stand up, he´s so nervous that he´s not entirely sure he would be able to sit down.

“So, you remember how I told you about my ex-boyfriend?”

“The blind one?”

“Yeah. We were together for about three years and I thought he was everything I´d ever wanted. Looking back though, I can see that our relationship was awful, I won´t bore you with any details but he was in an accident that made him blind and he accused me of causing it. I wanted to be there for him but he constantly pushed me away, told me I was hovering too much and that he needed his own space. Anyway, he told me about this brilliant neurosurgeon who was the only one that could restore his sight and I called him like 30 times before he called me back. He didn´t want to do the surgery though, he said, ´it bored him to tears´, and hung up on me.” Luke smiles thinking back on the memory. “I tried to convince Noah that we could get another doctor to do it, but he refused, so I did the only thing I could think of. I called him again and managed to blackmail him into coming to Oakdale.”

Reid snorts. “Well, that sounds familiar. But if you´ve managed to get that other doctor to come, why did you call me?”

Luke looked confused for a moment. Well, that wasn´t easy to explain. “It doesn´t matter right now, just hear me out.” Reid looked like he wanted to object but gave in and nodded at Luke to continue.

“So, the doctor arrived and he hated my guts for bringing him there in the first place. But for different reasons he ended up staying in Oakdale for a while. Not because he wanted to, hell no, more because he was forced to do it and I have to admit it was probably my fault. He eventually took on Noah´s case but he had to have Noah go through a lot of IV-drug therapy before he could operate and in the meantime, he worked at the hospital. At first, he didn´t want to see me at all and asked Noah to keep me away from the hospital, which Noah took as an excuse to tell me we couldn´t see each other at all until he had his sight back. I couldn´t accept that and told him that in that case we could just as well break up, which we did.” Luke is surprised to realize that the memory doesn´t make him feel anything, not sadness or loss. To be honest, he feels nothing when he thinks of Noah.

“Anyway, the doctor and I had to start work on a project together and at first I never thought we would be able to agree about anything. He was so cold and rude and totally obnoxious about everything. But as I got to know him better, I realized that was partly an act. He cared deeply about his patients and being a doctor was his whole life. He was always honest and always told me exactly what he thought and after Noah, I found it refreshing to not have to guess what he meant all the time. He told a little about himself and I started to like him, even though I was sure he still hated me. He refused to call me by my first name and always used to call me Mr. Snyder, which made me think of my Dad.”

“Snyder? I thought your name was Grimaldi?”

“It´s a long story. Let’s just say that Damian Grimaldi is my biological father and my mom’s husband adopted me when I was a kid, so my name is Grimaldi-Snyder. I usually prefer Snyder though.”

Reid shrugs as if he doesn´t care but Luke knows him well enough to see that he´s interested.

“So, one day totally out of the blue he kisses me and claims that he´d wanted to kiss me for a long time. I was shocked. Not because I didn´t wanted him, god knows I did, he was one of the most attractive men I had ever seen. But I was sure he thought of me as some trust fund brat who wasn´t worth the time of the day. After that we had a bumpy start but ended up starting a relationship and he was everything I never knew I wanted. I was so scared though, for many different reasons, and I couldn´t believe someone like him would actually want me. I didn´t want to disappoint him and I have never taken sex lightly, so I asked him if we could wait until we took that step.”

Luke is interrupted when Reid starts to laugh. “You needed courting? That´s ridiculous. And you jumped in bed with me in less than two weeks.”

“Yeah, I figured you would find that amusing.”

Luke holds off on saying anything more, too concentrated on finishing the story and still wondering how he could make Reid believe him. “His best friend, who happens to be my aunt, her boyfriend had a serious heart disease and he needed a heart transplant. We got told there was a matching heart in a town nearby, but the hospital there wanted it for their own patient. You…” Luke scratched behind his ear, thankful that Reid doesn´t seem to notice the slip. “My doctor decided he should drive there and get it himself.”

“That´s even more ridiculous. What did he think he could do? Walk in there with a cooler in his hand and demand the heart? It doesn´t work like that.”

“Yeah, maybe not. But if anyone could have done it, it would have been him.”

“So why didn´t he?”

“There was an accident. I´m not sure how it happened but his car stalled on a railroad crossing and there was a train was coming down the tracks at the same time. For some reason, he didn´t get out of the car in time.” Luke takes a deep breath and wipes his sweaty palms on his pajama pants. He´s not sure how to continue, how is he supposed to talk about what happened without crying? It still hurts so badly and he remembers every second, every word they exchanged and how soft and warm Reid felt and how bruised and beaten his body was. “The paramedics brought him back to Memorial Hospital, but the doctors there said that there was nothing they could do except keep him as comfortable as possible and refused to even try to save him.” Luke can hear the bitterness in his own voice, still upset that they didn´t even try to save Reid, that they just let him die. “They did however let me see him and he was...” Luke trails off, seeing Reid battered and bloody face in front of him, but still so beautiful, as clear as if it had just happened. He feels a single tear running down his cheek, not able to hold it back anymore.

“He was awake. And he asked me to get his wallet for him and take out his license. It turned out he was an organ donor and wanted to donate his heart to Chris. He gave me power of attorney so I could make it happen. And then he…” Luke can´t say it. Not now, not ever.

Reid has been awfully quiet and Luke is sure he´s going to say something about his inappropriate leaking but when he finally musters up enough courage to look at Reid he´s surprised at what he sees. Reid is staring at him, beads of sweat forming on his forehead and he´s so pale. Luke takes a few steps forward and places his hand on Reid´s shoulder.

“Reid, are you alright?”

Reid looks up at him and their eyes meet, “Who knew I had one to give…” he whispers so low, that Luke almost doesn´t hear him. Almost.

 

In the seventeenth week time suddenly stops and something unexpected happens. The world keeps moving, from day to night and night to day but somehow nothing is the same anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

In the seventeenth week, Reid feels like he´s dreaming again.

“What did you say?” Luke´s voice is unclear, as if he´s having trouble breathing or trying to hold back the leaking. Reid doesn´t really care because this is so surreal. He can see everything Luke had talked about as clear as if it is a memory and not a story being told. All the little details Luke left out and all the emotions that he doesn´t know anything about, Reid knows, because he has been living it almost every night for months. He can still feel the panic he felt when he couldn´t unbuckle the stupid seatbelt and saw the train coming towards him. But it´s only a stupid dream. How can Luke know anything about that?

Luke walks over to him and falls down on his knees and places a tentative hand on Reid´s knee. Reid can both see and feel how much his hand is shaking, “Reid, what did you say?”

“It´s nothing Luke, I really need to go now.” Reid makes an attempt to stand up but Luke firmly pushes him back on the sofa.

“Reid, please tell me. What did you say?” His voice pleads and even though a part of Reid wants to push him away, walk out of the hotel room and never look back, he can´t. There is something about Luke and the way he´s looking at him that makes Reid just want to give in and do anything he wants. He doesn´t like it, but it´s the truth, those Bambi eyes have Reid totally whipped.

He takes a deep breath and sits back down on the sofa again, “Forget it, it´s just a really cheesy line from a…uhm dream.” He feels ridiculous for saying that, because it´s embarrassing to admit that he´s been having weird dreams where he´s a total sap and utters lines like that. The thought of it makes him cringe a bit.

“I just…it´s what you, I mean, what he said right before he died.”

That´s the second time Luke says you instead of he and Reid isn´t sure what to make of it. He kind of suspects that Luke is trying to replace the doctor he lost with Reid, which isn´t a very comforting thought to be honest, but this is taking it a bit too far, “Are you talking about me or him?”

Luke stares at him and opens and closes his mouth so many times that he looks like some kind of blowfish. It´s not very attractive and Reid wonder what the hell he is doing. Finally, he seems to find the words but after he has spoken Reid isn´t sure if he wishes that Luke wouldn´t have said anything, because this is beyond weird.

“Reid, I don´t know how to explain this, but you are him. Or he is you…or well, he´s not you maybe, but you´re the same.”

“Yeah, I hate to break it to you Luke, but I´m not dead.” At least he´s pretty sure he isn´t, but who knows? Maybe Luke is one of those ‘I see dead people’ guys.

“I know you´re not, Reid,” well, that´s comforting, “but the doctor was you. And then you died and somehow I came here, to this world where you´re alive and I don´t know how that happened or why but I´m so grateful that we are getting a new start.”

Forget about this being weird, insane is a much better word. Sadly Luke seems to be insane too.

“What are we talking about here Luke? Are you trying to suggest that there are parallel universes in existence and I got hit by a train and died in one of those universes and since that made you all miserable, you traveled to another one to get me back?”

Reid smirks to show just how ridiculous he finds that idea, “I really don´t believe in things like that.”

Why was he even having this discussion? Luke clearly belongs in a mental institution, but then again, most people did.

Luke doesn´t seem to understand that Reid is being sarcastic because he grabs Reid´s hands and holds them firmly in his own, “Yes, something like that, I can´t really explain it. And I didn´t know what happened at first either because nothing made sense but then I found out that you were alive and after that I didn´t really care about anything else.”

“Luke, there is no such thing as parallel universes. You’ve watched too many bad movies if you honestly believe in that.”

He manages to unleash his hands from Luke´s grip and stands up. “I think it´s time for me to leave now,” he takes a few steps towards the door and his hand is on the handle when Luke´s voice stops him.

“You learned to play chess from some really old Ukrainian guys at Harvard Square. Your parents made you participate in tons of chess competitions, but it made you feel more like a trained seal than their son so after a while you refused to play anymore. I´m not sure what your Uncle Angus had to do with it but I think he was the one who was coaching you. One time, when you lost, he took the knight you made a bad move with and pressed it so hard into your palm it hurt and he told you that that’s how it felt to lose. After that you won every game.” Reid is still standing at the door, unable to move when he feels Luke´s hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly.

“He came for your funeral and you two are so alike! He has the same humor and sarcastic responses as you do and he´s definitely just as rude as you are. He told me about the note you sent to him along with the knight when you graduated from medical school.”

Reid finally lets go of the handle and turns around. “Checkmate.”

Luke smiles a small smile, “Yeah, he kept the knight in his pockets all these years to remind himself how it felt to fail.”

Old memories that Reid has tried to not think about in years surface and he wonders how Luke knows about them. There is no way Angus would ever tell a private investigator about that, but the idea of Angus actually telling Luke isn´t much more believable. Luke seems to understand how confused he is because he takes Reid´s hand and pulls him over to the sofa where they sit down together.

“I know this is weird Reid, but can you please tell me about your dreams?”

They´re still holding hands and Luke´s thumb is stroking the back of Reid’s hand and it´s strangely comforting, even though Reid normally isn´t much for handholding. He briefly contemplates refusing to tell him and walking out, but it´s not really an option anymore. Luke knows more about him than Susan does and there has to be a reason for that, even if he doesn´t think much of the whole parallel universes thing. That´s too sci-fi even for a science nerd like him.

“It´s ridiculous really, they’re just dreams Luke.” His gaze meets Luke´s pleading eyes and he rubs his forehead and gives in. “They started a few months ago, somewhere in September I think, and at first it was just an annoying nightmare. I was driving somewhere and I was really pissed off at some guy because I wanted something he had but he wouldn`t give it to me, so I was on my way to get it. And I came to a railroad crossing and for some ludicrous reason I thought I could outrun a train. My car suddenly broke down right on the tracks, which by the way shouldn´t be possible considering how fast I was driving, but somehow it did. So my car was stuck on the tracks and I could hear the train rushing towards me. At first, I tried to start the car but when that didn´t work and I actually saw the train, I tried to unbuckle the seatbelt. But for some reason it was stuck somehow, totally unrealistic to be honest, but I couldn´t get out and then the train hits the car.”

“And then?” Luke´s voice is shaky and his hand is trembling again but his eyes are clear which Reid is relieved to see, tears makes him uncomfortable.

“That was all at first. Later on, I kind of had the continuation of the dream. I`m in a hospital bed and I´m pretty sure I´m going to die but there is no doctor, just some stupid nurse and this guy I can´t really see clearly. He wants to bring in some specialist to fix me but I kind of know it´s hopeless so I demand that he bring me a lawyer instead and I somehow make him promise that I want to donate my heart. Which is stupid, gay men aren’t allowed to donate organs and even if they were, you can´t decide who you want to give it to when you´re dead.” Reid snorts and shakes his head because he can´t believe he´s actually telling Luke all of this. And saying it out loud makes it sound even more stupid because it´s all so unrealistic.

“Reid, this really has happened. Not to you, but to another you, and somehow you´re dreaming of it.”

“Come on Luke, you can´t seriously believe in all this?”

“Yes, I can Reid! Because I was there and everything you just told me is exactly how it all played out.”

Reid tries to unleash his hand again but this time Luke´s grip tightens. “Look Reid, I know how all this sounds and I don´t blame you for thinking I´m totally crazy but all I ask for is, for you to listen to me.” Despite his better judgment, Reid actually stays exactly where he is and gives Luke his chance to talk.

“I have no idea how all this has happened and I don´t know how to explain it either. Maybe we´re not supposed to understand everything and instead of trying to explain it we should just accept it.” Luke sounds so certain and hopeful that Reid almost gives in…almost.

“Luke, I can´t do this right now. I need some time alone to think about all this.” He stands up and starts walking towards the door again.

“Please don´t leave Reid, we can work this out.” Luke follows him and takes a hold of his arm. Reid turns around and his hand moves up almost on its own accord and cups Luke´s cheek. He leans forward and brushes his lips lightly against Luke´s before pulling back. Luke immediately grips the back of his neck and pulls him forward again, smashing their mouths together. Reid hesitates for a second before giving in to Luke´s demanding tongue. He tangles his fingers in Luke´s hair and can´t hold back a moan when Luke´s other hand wanders inside his shirt. He takes a hold of the hem on Luke´s sweater and reluctantly breaks the kiss for the short moment it takes him to pull it over Luke´s head and as soon as it´s off, he claims Luke´s lips again.

Luke´s skin is smooth and warm and he lets his hands explore every inch of his lean torso. Luke breaks the kiss and Reid hears himself making a sound of disappointment he never will admit to actually making and licks a wet trail along Luke´s jaw line before biting down on his neck. Luke is fiddling with his shirt buttons and Reid helps him, anxious to feel Luke´s hands on his bare skin again. They finally manage to unbutton it together and Reid pulls it off while Luke captures his lips again.

Reid reaches down and palms Luke´s hard cock through his sweats when Luke suddenly pulls back.

“Reid, just wait a minute.”

Reid isn´t really in the mood for waiting and pushes his erection hard against Luke´s hip and leaves wet kisses on his neck. Luke doesn´t give in though and Reid sighs and looks up to meet his eyes.

“What?”

“Tell me you feel this too, this connection between us?”

Reid groans. He´s horny as hell and he´s not interested in talking about connections or weird universes, he just wants Luke. But Luke expects an answer and if this is going anywhere, Reid has to give one to him. The easy thing would have been to simply agree but Reid doesn´t want to lie to Luke and the truth is that he doesn´t know. He feels something, but he´s not sure what.

“I don´t know Luke,” he settles for an honest answer and as he suspected Luke doesn´t like it.

“If you don’t believe me and think I´m a total nutcase you´re free to leave. I don´t know what else I can do to convince you that I´m telling the truth.” His voice is firm and he has a determined look on his face but he can never hide the emotions in his eyes and Reid knows that he´s hurt.

Reid takes a step back and pinches the bridge of his nose, “I don´t know what you want me to say. This is all...I want you, isn´t that enough?”

Luke is quiet for a while and their gazes lock on each other before he takes a step towards Reid. “It´s enough…for now,” then his mouth is back on Reid´s and his hand is working on the button on Reid´s jeans.

 

It doesn´t go any further than jerking each other off, their foreheads pressed together, breathing in each other’s breaths. Both were too eager and too far gone to do anything more than just that. Afterwards they kiss slowly while Luke zips up Reid´s jeans and that´s the moment Damian chooses to walk in.

Even if Reid doesn´t really like the guy he has to give him some credit. Seeing how Luke blushes and starts searching for his sweater, Reid guesses it´s not every day Damian walks in on his son making out with his half naked male lover.

“Doctor Oliver! I have to admit, I´m a bit surprised to see you here”, Damian says with a smirk and a far too pleased expression on his face.

“No, you´re not,” Reid answers, “This is exactly what you were expecting to walk in on.”

Damian raises an eyebrow and looks pointedly on Reid´s bare chest.

“Well, maybe you got a bit more then you bargained for here, father Grimaldi. Although, not even a straight man as yourself can deny how stunning I am without clothes.”

“Reid!” Luke´s face color has gone from a slight blush to completely scarlet and he smacks Reid on his arm. 

“What? Your father may be an over-bearing, blackmailing idiot who sticks his nose where it doesn´t belong, but that doesn´t mean there´s something wrong with his sight, does it?”

Luke does a fairly good job in rolling his eyes and hands Reid his shirt. He puts it on and buttons it up and the silence starts to get on his nerves. He has no idea what to say and both Luke and Grimaldi senior are staring at him and seem to be expecting him to say something.

“Well, I guess I should go then,” according to the frowns on the faces in front of him, that was clearly not the right thing to say.

“I thought you said you would tell him everything if you got the chance. Don´t tell me you wasted that opportunity and had sex instead?” Grimaldi senior looks questioningly at Luke, and Reid can´t decide if he´s disappointed or impressed by his son.

Reid didn´t think it was possible but it turns out that Luke actually can blush even more, “I did tell him!”

“Then why is he leaving?”

“Apparently he´s still trying to decide whether or not I should be locked up somewhere.”

“I´m still here you know.” Reid almost waves to make his presence clear but thankfully he manages to stop himself. He really needed to get out of there as fast as possible, “Luke, I… I´ll see you.”

 

In the eighteenth week, Reid still doesn´t get any sleep without the pills, he spends all his waking hours that week working and he can´t think of anything else besides Luke.

He doesn´t know what to think or what to believe after hearing everything that Luke had told him because it really did not make sense at all. Reid likes facts and figures and he is a science man first and foremost. He sees things in black or white, wrong or right and stories about parallel universes, stories about love that conquer all, even death, clearly don’t belong in his way of thinking.

The whole story about the loser ex-boyfriend and the doctor was interesting to hear, not that he wanted Luke to know however at first, Reid had no idea why Luke felt the need to tell him about that. Everybody has a past and Reid wasn´t particularly interested in hearing of Luke´s former lovers, especially not one he was obviously still in love with. And then it turns out that the doctor somehow was him and that only made it even more confusing. A part of him wants to believe Luke but the rational side of him tells him that he should just forget about everything and go back to the life he had before Luke came and turned everything upside down.

He shakes his head and tries to clear his thoughts. He pulls out one of the patient files on his desk and tries to concentrate on it but to no avail. He sighs heavy and rubs his face before giving up and pulls on his jacket. He needs a drink.

He goes to the nearest bar and it isn´t long after he has ordered his first beer that he realizes that this is where he met Luke for the first time. And just as he thought things couldn´t get any worse, Damian Grimaldi sits down next to him.

“Good evening, Doctor Oliver,” Reid groans and hides his head in his hands.

“There´s no escaping you or your son is there?” Damian laughs and puts a hand on Reid´s stiff shoulder.

“I want to apologize for our last meeting, my son wasn´t very pleased with me when I told him what I said to you.”

“I wonder why.”

“Well, Luciano isn´t fond of using threats and blackmail to get people to do what he wants.” That makes Reid snort and Damian smiles but he doesn´t comment on it.

“So, if you`re done apologizing, feel free to leave.” Reid takes another sip of his beer.

“Actually I came here to tell you something, the apology was just a way to get you to listen.”

Reid just raises an eyebrow and Damian seems to take that as an invitation to continue.

“I know my son extremely well, we work together and have always been close. About two months ago, me and my son were in a car accident. Nothing serious, but Luke hit his head and got a small concussion. He was in a coma for three days and we started to get pretty worried. When he finally woke up I knew he was different, I couldn´t pinpoint what it was but he was acting differently and he seemed to have a completely different memory of his whole life. At first I thought he had some form of amnesia or that he suffered from a brain injury but the doctor told us nothing was wrong. Then he started to tell us things that didn´t make any sense, and he talked a lot about you. So I did some research about you and most of what he had told us about you was true, besides the fact that you never came to Oakdale and the two of you never had a relationship.”

“Is all this going somewhere?”

“My son is telling you the truth. Even though I can´t explain or understand everything about different worlds and switching places, I believe him. He´s not crazy, and frankly he´s too bad of a liar to make something as elaborate as that up.” Damian stands up and throws some money on the table, “This is on me. And Doctor Oliver? My son loves you for reasons I can´t even imagine to understand, but if he wasn´t telling you the truth, why on earth would he make up a story like that and risk losing you? Think about it.”

Damian leaves and Reid downs the last of his beer. He considers ordering another one but instead he stands up and puts on his jacket. He has something more important to do.

He´s knocking on Luke´s hotel door less than five minutes later. Luke opens it, dressed in the same sweats he wore last week and he has that messy blonde hair looking like he´s had a wrestling match with a duvet. He´s never looked more beautiful. Before Luke can say something Reid grabs him and kisses him with everything he´s got. It´s wet and messy and everything Reid could ever want and he doesn´t pull away until they´re both breathless.

“Luke,” he says and cups Luke´s cheek in that familiar way, “I don´t know what to think of everything you told me and I don´t know how I´m supposed to believe you because frankly, this whole parallel universe thing is a bit weird. But I don´t care if you´re crazy or if you belong in an institution or if you´re telling me the truth. The only thing I´m certain of is that I want you. I really, really want you.”

That´s probably the sappiest thing he´s ever said but when he sees the big smile on Luke´s face he knows it´s worth it.

 

In the eighteenth week Reid finally stops dreaming about trains, hearts and dying. He falls asleep curled up against Luke´s back, an arm wrapped around the blonde and their fingers tangled together.


	14. Chapter 14

In the nineteenth week it´s all about sex. Luke has so much time to make up for and he can´t get enough of Reid. He draws wet patterns with his tongue all over Reid´s body and he loves the taste of him on his tongue, salty and sweet at the same time and something else that´s completely Reid. He sucks on his neck and leaves marks that will show everyone that Reid is his and only his, and even though Reid complains at first, Luke knows that it turns him on.

Before that thing with the train, Luke had been nervous about not being good enough for Reid or disappointing him. And seeing how inexperienced he was, now he can´t help but smile at how naïve and childish he was before everything. He´s a fast learner and Reid sometimes jokes and says he´s never had such a devoted student before.

There is so much Luke hasn´t done and so many things he´s fantasized about doing with Reid, things he thought he lost the opportunity to do. Now he knows that life is short and nothing´s certain and he decides to spend the rest of his life enjoying every moment he´s got with Reid.

So they fuck slowly in the shower, with Luke pressed up against the shower wall and Reid behind him, going so slow and being so gentle that Luke has tears in his eyes. They´re kissing the entire time and Luke can´t imagine it being better than this.

Until Reid fucks him on the living room floor, both too eager and horny to make it to the bedroom. Luke is on all fours and Reid is pounding in to him from behind, whispering dirty things in his ear while biting and sucking on his earlobe.

He sucks Reid off in the clinic. Reid is sitting in his office chair and Luke is under the table with Reid´s cock in his mouth and his own in his hand when Susan walks in. Thankfully Reid has one of those desks that has a wall on the front so she can´t see him but he sits completely still anyway. He feels Reid´s dick soften while he´s answering Susan´s questions and Luke decides that he can´t have that and sucks it into his mouth again. Reid inhales sharply and Susan asks him if he´s alright, and if Luke´s mouth wasn´t full he would have laughed when Reid tells her to get the fuck out. The urge to laugh is completely gone a while later when Reid is balls deep inside of him while he´s lying on top of the desk.

Luke has never had so many orgasms in such a short time before and the sex is beyond amazing. He loves the foreplay and Reid can spend hours licking every inch of his body until Luke is trembling and downright begging him for release. The first time Reid sticks his tongue in his ass he can´t believe it´s actually happening. Reid, who refuses to sleep in Luke´s hotel bed because it´s full of other people´s germs and who claims children are disgusting germ-breeders, is willingly licking his ass, and ohmygod it feels fucking fantastic.

Reid has the most beautiful cock Luke´s ever seen and he loves sucking on it, running his tongue along the shaft and tasting those sweet pearls of pre-cum. He loves it even more when Reid fucks him with it, the stretch and burn in the beginning where he can´t decide if it hurts more then it feels good and then the waves of pleasure take over, and he can´t form a single coherent thought.

In the nineteenth week Luke fucks Reid for the first time. He´s trembling with anticipation and when he finally enters Reid, he has to bite down hard on his bottom lip to not come instantly. It´s so warm and tight and hot to be inside Reid and it´s better than anything he´s fantasized about. Reid isn´t usually very vocal in bed, except for all the dirty talking of course, but when Luke fucks him he´s really loud. He moans and pants and his breath hitches every time Luke´s cock brushes against his spot and it turns Luke on more than ever. He concentrates so hard on making Reid feel good, like Reid does when he fucks him, that he almost forgets his own pleasure. And then Reid is coming, his body is shaking and he makes this strangled sound in the back of his throat that´s really hot and his ass is clenching down so hard on Luke´s dick that he can´t move and he comes too.

Afterwards, when Reid is asleep, curled up against Luke´s back and one arm loosely wrapped around his waist, Luke tries to decide whether he enjoys doing the actual fucking more than being fucked. After a while he comes to the conclusion that he can´t really choose, and seeing as he can do both he doesn´t really care anyway.

 

In the twentieth week Luke decides that it´s time for him to move permanently to New York. He sees no point in staying in Oakdale anymore, he will miss his family and his friends but nothing is more important than Reid. He tells Damian first of all, seeing as though Damian is in New York and they´ve grown really close the past couple of weeks. Damian doesn´t seem surprised at all and when Luke apologizes for not being able to work with him anymore, Damian just snorts and tells him that won´t be a problem. He´s already started working on moving the headquarters of Grimaldi shipping to the office here in New York, after all, it´s much more logical to have it in a town where there actually is a harbor and he only stayed in Oakdale because Luke wanted to anyway.

He then calls Lucinda and tells her before telling his parents, that way Lucinda can be there when he calls them and help him calm down his Mother. Lucinda doesn´t seem surprised either and Luke guesses Damian must have kept her updated. For some reason his grandmother seems to be enjoying the prospect of having a legitimate reason to visit New York more then he understands. She does however agree on going over to his parents before he talks to them. That phone call goes as well as he suspected. His Mother is crying and makes it sound like she´s never going to see him again, and it´s annoying because Luke is old enough to make his own choices and he´s not moving to the other side of the world.

The last person he tells is Reid who seems to be a bit uncomfortable until Luke asks him if he wants to help him look for an apartment. After that Reid is visibly relaxed and Luke tries hard to hide his amused smile. He understands that it´s way too early to expect that Reid would want them to live together and he doesn´t mind having a place of his own. It´s not like he´s going to spend much time there anyway.

 

In the twenty-first week Reid complains about how terrible bad Luke is at chess. He mumbles something about how he can´t believe he´s in a relationship with someone so lousy at chess. Luke just hears the relationship-part and gets so happy that Reid is willing to admit that they´re actually in one, that they’re naked two minutes later and Luke´s nonexistent chess skills are forgotten. Until a few days later when he wakes up alone in Reid´s bed and on the pillow beside him, where Reid´s head should be, is a book with a yellow note attached to it. The note simply states: `Read me!´ and is written in Reid´s unmistakable handwriting and when Luke sees the title he can´t help but laugh. Chess for Dummies: Beginner´s Guide in How to Become a Chess Master.

He spends most of the day lying naked in Reid´s bed, reading the book and he quickly comes to the conclusion that he will never be a chess master. He doesn´t understand half of it and he definitely had no idea how many different chess moves and tactics actually existed. The amount of chess variants makes his head hurt and he doesn´t even try to understand what it all means. The last section in the book is a glossary in chess and he skims through it until something catches his eye. Brilliancy - A spectacular and beautiful game of chess, generally featuring sacrificial attacks and unexpected moves. Brilliancies are not always required to feature sound play or the best moves by either side.

He stares at the description, he devours it and if he ever would describe the journey that brought him to Reid, this would be the way. In fact, his whole time with Reid has been brilliancy.

The way he brought Reid to Oakdale in the first place, that was definitely not sound play. Their back and forth in the beginning was nothing but bad moves from both sides but when they finally got together it was beyond spectacular and beautiful. And then he lost Reid.

He thinks that maybe he played chess with Death like in that old Swedish movie Noah once forced him to watch, claiming that it was a classic everyone had to see. Or maybe he didn´t play chess with death, maybe it was with life or hope or fate or whatever. When Reid died, the game continued and somehow Luke managed to play his pieces right because he ended up in this other world where Reid was alive. And for a new chance with Reid, he would do anything, he would sacrifice everything and somehow he won.

He continues reading with a newborn interest and after that everything reminds him of him and Reid. Breakthrough - Destruction of a seemingly strong defense, often by means of a sacrifice. Reid had nothing but a strong defense but somehow Luke had managed to break through it.

When Reid finally comes home after a long day of work Luke is still lying naked in the bed and tries to explain his theory to him. Reid just gives him that `are you an idiot´ look that he masters to perfection and silences Luke with a demanding kiss.

A few days later there is a new book lying next to Luke when he wakes up. This is called Checkmate for Children: Mastering the Most Important Skill in Chess and it is exactly what the title says: a chess book for children.

 

In the twenty-second week Luke manages to persuade Reid to take the whole weekend off and come with him to Oakdale to help pack up his things for the move. Reid refuses at first but Luke knows exactly how to make him change his mind. So when they´re lying in bed a few hours later and Luke has three fingers up Reid´s ass and his cock in his mouth and Reid is begging him to fuck him, Luke simply says he won´t do it unless Reid follows him to Oakdale. Reid sighs heavy and mumbles something about blackmailing idiot and not being fair, before giving in. Luke secretly suspects that Reid actually wants to see Oakdale since Luke told him about how the other Reid gave up his job to live there in another life.

 

In the twenty-third week they visit Oakdale. Reid takes one look around before glaring at Luke and stating that there is no way in hell any Reid in any universe ever would agree to stay in such a depressing shithole, state-of-the-art neuro facility or not. Luke just raises an eyebrow and assures him that Oakdale has its attractions. That only makes Reid snort so Luke drags him into Java for a cup of coffee to lighten his mood a little. Noah is standing behind the counter and it´s a bit uncomfortable at first, he still remembers the way Noah acted the day he left him and when he sees that Noah´s still wearing his engagement ring it´s downright creepy. He quickly orders to coffee to go and gets out of there as quick as he can.

The rest of the stay runs smoothly and Luke is surprised to see that his whole family seems to like Reid. He knew his grandmother´s would and both Lucinda and Emma seem to be in love with Reid at the end of their visit. So while Emma is feeding Reid and Lucinda is flirting with him, Luke is packing all his things. He finds a few unfinished stories and he starts reading one of them and is surprised at how good it is. He remembers Damian saying something about him writing and even though he has no idea what he´s written he figures it’s something he should continue doing.

After another run in with a very drunk Noah they´re finally back in New York and even though Luke has his own apartment now, full of his own stuff, Reid suggests that he stays at his place for the night. Seeing as Luke has no intention of ever sleeping alone again, he doesn´t complain.

 

In the twenty-fourth week, Reid finally tells Luke that he loves him. They are lying in bed, basking in the afterglow of another brain-melting session of hot, hot lovemaking and Reid is drawing lazy patterns on Luke´s stomach with his fingertips while Luke is telling him about some semi-interesting incident at Grimaldi shipping. He´s just about to reach the point of the whole story, and if he may say so himself it´s kind of funny, when Reid suddenly places his hand over Luke´s mouth and stares at him with those piercing blue eyes. Luke raises an eyebrow and feels a tiny bit offended, seeing how boring Reid must find him to do something like that.

“I love you.” Reid says with a voice softer then Luke ever has heard before. It takes a few seconds until he realizes what Reid just said and what it means but when he does, he can´t stop the wide smile from breaking out on his face.

Reid rolls his eyes but smiles back and traces Luke´s bottom lip with his thumb. “I know you´ve been waiting for me to say it. So there…I said it.”


End file.
